ADD / ADHD Community

Welcome to the board!

I to felt really bad over the way i interacted with my kids but looking back i was just doing the best that i could do in that situation. Children with adhd are very high maintence if you know what i mean and it takes a toll on us as their parents.

My son did such extreme things i was always a nervous wreck. To list some of the things he did: at 8 weeks of age he busted his toes open on his toy bar that was attached to the bouncy seat he was in, at 22 months he broke a light bulb from a night light in his mouth, tipped his dresser on himself twice in 2 days, we had to remove it from his room, shocked himself a couple of times, put things in his nose twice,put tweezers in his ears, ate deodorant once, busted a dozen eggs on the floor( i'm now laughing at all of this) and was always into something and breaking things and this last one was really scary he backed up to my gas stove on purpose and burnt his hair. At that point in time i knew he had adhd but he was still to young in my opinion so i waited for another year or so to get him in. On a good note he is doing great now! he doesn't do anything like that anymore.

My daughter is inattentive and argumentative if you tell her the sky is blue she would argue that lol. She also has a lot of anxiety and is terrified of dogs even though she doesn't have a reason to be. It was a hard diagnosis for her because she didn't show a lot of the symptoms in fact at first they weren't going to do anything for her because she fell under the chart. Her main problems were at school, her grades were dropping she was having trouble making and keeping friends and it broke my heart. She once laid her glasses down on the seat of the bus and left them, boy was i upset! She was constantly leaving her books at school and couldn't stay on task, and couldn't stop talking at school.

I happen to have two children, my daughter is 8 and has add and my son is 5 and has adhd. Before i got either one of them diagnosed and treated i felt like giving up. I have to laugh at the insanity now but at the time it wasn't at all funny. I would go to the store (now mind you that i also have add and have problems with concentration and memory) and my son would be trying to climb out of the cart and my daughter would just walk off so i was trying to watch both kids and get my shopping done which was made harder for me because even with a list i still had a hard time shopping, i get distracted by the "fun" stuff at the store.

I think that you will be so amazed at the difference the medication can make . It may take some time to get the right med so be patient sometimes it takes a couple of different ones to find the right one. Once you do though you will probably look forward to a new beginning and at the same time feel a little sad that it has to be this way and that this couldn't have happened sooner. I from the beginning was all for the medicine because i remembered the big difference it had made for me. I still hate that they have to be on medicine to function but i haven't been sorry .

MomtoDylan,

You're doing the right thing. ADHD is hard for the parents and the kids. The world may seem out of control. Like you'll never get a handle on it. I've seen the improvement proper treatment can make in a kids life and I've experienced it myself as an adult with ADHD.

You're NOT alone. A lot of people are reluctant to believe their kid has a problem like ADHD because of the stigma. People say ADHD is just a myth. It's nothing that can't be handled with some firm discipline. Medication sounds pretty scary when you hear the horror stories about Ritalin turning kids into zombies or worse.

I believed that stuff. I was VERY skeptical because of what I'd heard. ADHD sounded like something drug companies cooked up so lazy teachers could tranquilize active kids into obedient drones. My school experience was horrible. I blamed incompetent teachers, administrators and school faculty. I TRULY believed public school was the root of all evil.

A few years ago, we visited my sister. My nephew was 4 or 5. That kid was a maniac. He never listened or settled down. He was running in circles 30 minutes at a time. He ran into a wall so hard it knocked him back 3 feet. Then got up like it never happened. Whenever he visited us, he was a handful to say the least. I didn't think it was any big deal. My wife was concerned that something wasn't quite right. I didn't believe her. He was normal in my world.

He had problems in school. So my sister had him tested. He was diagnosed ADHD. We visited again a year later. What a difference. This crazy little kid who reminded me of a combination between Stitch and Taz, was a smart, thoughtful and helpful little guy. He did as he was told he had no trouble sitting down to eat. He told some great jokes. He wasn't a zombie. He was like those kids on TV. The 'NORMAL' ones. I said "See he grew out of it." My sister laughed at me and said "Uh No. That's Adderall."

Long story short. It turned both of my sisters have ADHD. I realized I was having some problems that didn't make sense. My wife was mad at me all the time for forgetting things. I made stupid mistakes, missed appointments. Stuff happens. Big deal. It didn't bother me too much. I was getting frustrated a lot though. I noticed I was kind of uh... abrasive for no real reason. Then our 4 year old started giving me advice on how NOT to make HER late. That freaked me out. I made the appointment. SURPRISE! ADHD! I started on Adderall it helps. But I think just knowing what it was has made a big difference. The world changed right before my eyes. I thought Cody was normal because he was just like us. Only we were ALL ADHD kids. Later my Dad was diagnosed too. Imagine life with 4 undiagnosed ADHD kids their ADHD Dad. My Mom must be insane. LOL Who'd put up with that voluntarily?

ADHD is a medical condition that requires treatment. The consequences of living with undiagnosed, untreated ADHD can be severe. We were all high-school dropouts with job problems, money problems, relationship problems, legal problems. Even JAIL for my brother. The details are depressing.

Isn't it a relief to know what the problem really is? You're not crazy and neither is your kid. Adjustments have to be made, but now you know it's only ADHD. There is a ton of information out there. There's medicine for it and lifestyle changes to accommodate it. Chances are you've saved your son from a lifetime of personal problems and the embarrassment of growing up with people calling him lazy, stupid and un-motivated. It's not going to be effortless, but it's better than doing nothing. A LOT better. You're doing the right thing.

ADDERALL ADVICE He may have trouble sleeping and eating at first. You may need to time the meds so they wear off around dinner time. I get pretty tired and grouchy for about 30 minutes when the meds drop off. Keep that in mind.

Good luck.

Let us know how it goes.

- Chris

hi there, reading this im given a little hope by you that life does get easier, my son is suspected adhd for 6 years it is only now we are going thru the diagnosis programme, at 3 weeks old he could climb out of his baby chair, at 6 weeks old he was on solids and id have to put him in a walker and pin it still to feed him. at 9 month he could run and walk fluently. and at 2 he climbed on a house roof and tried to unscrew by back door hinges off so he could escape. like u say we can laugh now years on but at the time its stressful. i have not yet got a full diagnosis has blood tests have turned up 2 unexpected illnesses, iron defiency and chromesome disorder. so they need to send a child phychologist to his school for assessment. I am hopeful of some good news. x x take care all.

whitetiger23, all i can say is wow! at the time when my son was doing all of these things i felt like a bad mom after all i wasn't watching him closely enough. Finally i realized that even when 4 people were watching him and he was still sneaking off that it wasn't me it was him. I am sure you have gone through this also and it sounds like you are lucky, how scary to find your son on the roof.

My son also takes things apart, he wants to find out how they work or what the inside of them look like. He ran around with a screwdriver for a long time poking and prodding everything and i have to laugh because he also destroyed a flashlight that was supposed to be nondestructive and he did it in a day.

I hope for your sanity you are able to get some answers, and if he does have adhd that he can get on the right medicine and life for him and you will get easier.

Hi Christopher,

Reading your message was like reading my life story. My 6 year old was was diagnosed with ADHD in 2007. I didn't want to believe it myself until I read up on ADHD. After reading tons of books I realized that some of the symptoms seem like I may have it too. Since my son has been on medication he's on the Honor Roll for 1st grade and doing great. When he was in Kindergarten he was always in trouble and I got phone calls from the principal at least twice a week. He was in In School Suspension at least 10 times during the school year. Now he's taking Vyvanse and works pretty well. His Pediatrician states that my son has an extremely high metabolism meaning the medicine may last for 8-10 hours in most kids but it's only lasting for 5-6 hours for him. We have a check up scheduled for next week because I believe his body is getting used to the meds because his behavior has started to change. He's not listening and being very impulsive. It's very comforting to know other parents are going through the same things I am. Thanks for sharing.

Ursula/GA

I, too, find myself very frusterated and on the verge of tears. I have a 6 year-old daughter who has ADHD, and she has been on medicine for almost 2 years. We have tried Focalin, which worked for about 6 months. When it didn't work, our doctor increased the dosage, and we didn't like the results. For about 3 hours in the middle of the day, she was like a zombie. Now she is on Metadate, and it is working great! However, the more I read, the more I want to get her off of the meds. We are considering trying something natural this summer - I don't want to try switching her in the middle of the school year. I've been reading about Focus and BrightSpark, and I think that we might try it. Maybe you might want to check it out on the Internet? I know that this is the worst part - finding a solution! I wish that there was just one solution so it didn't seem like we were "experimenting" on her!!

She is a very bright little girl, and I am fortunate that she loves school. My biggest problem is her impulsiveness and her total meltdowns. I have also questioned my parenting skills and thought that I must be doing something wrong. It is good to know that we are not alone! One thing that has really helped our family is a video called "1, 2, 3 Magic." The school counselor suggested it, and we have borrowed it from our local library a few times. It works for all of our children, and it is easy to do.

Good luck!!

It is always wonderful to find others who share your joy, frustration, and sometimes agony as a parent of a child with ADHD. In our area services and support are extremely limited. So I completely understand feeling hopeless and lost. Hang in there!! There are other parents who totally understand what your going through. Medicating was something that I struggled with at first also, and I work in a physicians office and our Pediatrician is also one of our closest friends. I still felt the way you did, that I had failed her as a parent. Rest assured that you have not. If your worried about being a good parent, then chances are you probably are a much better parent than you imagine. My recommendation to you would be read everything and anything you can get your hands on. Even if the majority of the information appears to be worthless if even one sentence gives you an idea or some encouragement then it was worth it. Good luck and your not alone.

Hi, I know what you are going through....my daughter was a handful as a child.....I just wanted to give her to the first passing stranger!!!! Then I would take a breath and see that she too was having a hard time with life. I would try to keep my cool and when it got bad I would tell her I needed a hug and she was the only one who could do it....it would always work.....it would give us a break. She is almost 30 years old and we still have our problems but nothing like when she was young....it will get better, find the right thing that works for you and hang in there .

Let me begin by saying welcome and i am new as well... I read your story here and it hurts me to see a parent in such distress and feeling down about their skills as parents.

Some things to keep in mind are,

1. Public schooling has gotten so out of hand. It is no longer about the children but about the monetary gain and the notability of the teachers themself.. its no longer and intimate experience between child and teacher.

2. It's also been my experience that they are quick to "diagnose" ADHD. The Diagnosis of ADHD has gone up with our children about 40 percent in the past ten years. The medication will mildly sedate the child. It will not fix or cure any problem with his learning capabilities.

3. Some people like myself have a problem with focussing on one thing.. We have to multi-task to accomplish anything. I found it almost impossible to study or pass a test when the room was silent because i cannot focus just on the task at hand.. does that mean i have adhd no it means i was raised in an environment where there was always noise. Think about it u surround a child with noise and expect them to accomplish a task and they "learn" to do it for years... then you put them in an environment where there is no sound. It is overwhelming silence is louder and more distracting than noise. But put a pair of headphones on me and sit me down i'll stay focussed for hours.

The medication will only silence your childs hope and create dependency. They have tried to force me to take it and it made me an emotional wreck. Ask your counselor to find a Psr worker or psychiatrist to look at alternatives.

I hope you find this helpful and god bless.

I know exactly how you are feeling. I have a nine year old little girl and we started with these issues in at the age of five. We have seen many counselors, doctors, audiologist, OTs, etc. After many visits she started on this roller coaster of medicenes for 2 years. We tried everything from Adderall to Ridilin to Stattera and so on. If she wasn't crying she was a zombie. For those two years I felt like I lost my little girl and didn't know her. Those medicenes put her through too much and didn't allow her any emotion. I finally gave up and explored a natural approach. She has been on a gluten free diet for two years and has felt so much better and in 3rd grade is getting almost all A's!!!! I was really hesitant in trying this diet, but I swear by it. They use a gluten free, casin free diet to treat autistic children and are know linking gluten to stimulating ADD or ADHD. I encourage you to try the diet before ANY medications, as they posed as more troubles for us. The diet is the same as what celiacs follow. Google gluten free and ADD, you'll be suprised at how many others feel the same way. Removing all wheat and flour from his diet will make a huge difference. I know HYVee carries a gluten free flour to cook with. Good Luck!

you shouldnt feel upset or like the worst parent that is out there. there is no reason to!!! you can't control what happens all the time in life. some things just happen and we have to go along for the ride. I cant imagine the boat that you are in!! I hope all things work out for the better and things will hopefully get better as the days move on!!best wished to you and your family!! you are in my thoughts and prayer!! hang in there!! Dont ever give up !! and last of all . . . . live every day as it is your last and nevr stop dont get to upset over something, you never know what could happen tommarrow.!!

asgaard, i absolutley agree with you on the school situation. The school my children both attend has a wonderful elementary and principle but once you get into junior high and high school it gets really scary. I have heard that there is poop smeared on the bathroom stalls, an incredibally high teenage pregnancy rate and a lot of violence and disrespect from the students. I am considering either moving my children before they get to junior high or home schooling them at that age just to keep them away from all of that.

I feel that there are some children who are misdiagnosed with adhd but i feel that the main reason for the increase in diagnosing children with this is simple. Adhd is genetic. Not as much was known about it when i was little and probably when you were little but now there is much more information about adhd.

I am on medication and i absolutely do not regret it for one minute. When i was on medication as a child it was a huge relief for me those were the best years of my childhood. My children are both on meds also as they are also add and adhd. I feel this has been a good choice for them also because it has made their school and social life much better.

Not every child will do better on medication and it is a good idea to explore every option but to say that it should never be used at all is unrealistic and untrue. When you were a child there were far less medication options out there and if they didn't work that was it there was nothing else.

When a child has adhd and goes without treatment they have a much slimmer chance for success. The chances of them holding down a job as they are older are small and there is a higher chance of them abusing drugs and alcohol. They will also suffer from depression. This alone is reason enough for me to chose medication for my children.

Adhd is a chemical imbalance in the brain. The chemical that is responsible for the transmitting of messages isn't there in a child with adhd. The medication replaces this chemical and therefore improves the childs concentration,focus and memory.

I am not trying to change your point of view, you have the right to voice your opinion. I just want to voice my opinion. I am unsure of whether or not you do have adhd you said in your post that they tried to say you were but didn't say whether or not you do, it doesn't matter really i just wanted you to hear from someone who has had nothing but positive results with using medication.

Hi: As a school teacher, since you said he's having trouble in school, I wanted to respond! One thing that can really hep is, tell your child's teacher what is going on. I'm sure you're hearing from them all the time, "Your child is out of control," "Your child refuses to participate, to learn," "Your child is making it impossible for the class to function" etc. But what often happens is that the teacher is exasperated, and then the parent gets defensive, which makes the teacher think, "She is not GETTING it," which makes the teacher get harsher and harsher when she is talking to you (and probably to your child too). So schedule a conference, go in, and say everything you've said here. Tell her/him: "I am totally overwhelmed. I am aware that my child is not staying afloat at school. I feel like a terrible parent and I am afraid I am failing my child." The teacher has seen EVERYTHING in terms of student behavior and learning, and might have some advice-- if not, he/she can at least offer moral support and help you feel like you're not in it alone. But it is so easy to start viewing the school as the adversary since they are constantly giving you negative reports, but it honestly is so helpful for everyone if you and the teacher can get on board with one another. Best! Heather

I to have a son that struggled with school and he was diagnosed as being ADHD. After long hours and days of research and struggling with the medication issue. I came to the conclusion that maybe I needed to change how I viewed my child. We all live our lives by our own beat of the drum. As for me I changed my beat to match his beat. Most schools will test and send these children to get medication, because teachers do not or can not give him the one on one time that they need to learn effectively. . All children have different learning styles and my son needed to experience his learning by using all of his senses. He had to feel it, see it, etc and move around as he began to internalize the information being shared with him. After constantly advocating for my son throughout the school district his teachers began to realize that change was needed and began to teach children according to their learning styles. With all that being said he was weaned off the medication and he went on to successful learning, graduated high school, and technical school. It can be done without medication. Hang in there!!!!