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Scared for daughter
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izzys_mom posted:
I have a 3-year-old daughter who was just hours ago put on Guanfacine for her ADHD. Her dad (we are not together, but I have sole custody/placement) does not agree with this. He takes her almost every weekend because I am nice and let him even though we have no court-ordered visitation schedule. I am scared that he is not going to follow through with giving her the medication she needs, but I don't want to deny her visitation with her own father, because I view that as cruel. She needs this medication, as she is out of control. She is physically attacking her future step-sister and classmates at school. Not little things, either, she is leaving marks on these kids. I was not too happy about the idea of medicating my child, but if it makes her calmer while still letting her keep her amazing personality and zest for life, then I would be wrong to not do it. What are my options here?
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spec4colon responded:
I'm the father of a 14 year old prodigy who is amazing in school, and is a gifted musician. He's been composing jazz since the age of twelve; he also plays five different instruments. This was not always so; he was disruptive in kindergarten; we were constantly being called in to pick our son up. We finally took him to a specialist, who suggested Adderall for his ADHD, which was the diagnosis. Something to note; his school nurse was against giving drugs to young children; my son was 5yrs. old at the time. I was also against it. We told this to the Dr. and he made it clear that medical suggestion from a school nurse was highly irresponsible to say the least.

We took the doctor's advice, who also advised us not to mention to the school that our boy was on medication as a control experiment, mostly for our benefit. The next school day when we picked up our son, his teacher was very happy and excited. He not only did his work, but became a perfect gentleman, and the teacher's little helper.

You sound like an amazing mom, an a decent person to be concerned about not taking visitation rights from your ex. I don't like to give advice that has to do with family problems, but you have a very legitimate concern. If I felt that my wife circumvented me on the health of my child and those around her, I would go into defense mode. Go to court and tell the Judge that you have absolutely nothing against him seeing your daughter right until he interferes with her health and medication.

Many women use their children as pawns against their ex-husbands, but it is clear that you are a class act. Advocate for your child, even if you have to scale back on being nice to ex. Good luck!
 
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Gina Pera replied to spec4colon's response:
Hi spec4colon,

This is a great reply. Thank you for taking the time to respond to this mom's question -- parent to parent.

I agree with you: I would go into defense mode.

Your child's father must know that these medications must be given as your physician has directed. It can be extremely risky to stop some medications suddenly.

I'm going out on a limb here and assuming that this father is the genetic donor to your child's brain-based issues, and his issues remain untreated. This could make him extremely difficult to deal with in addition to being an unreliable guardian.

Please listen to your instincts and do what you think is right to protect your child.

good luck,
Gina
 
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izzys_mom replied to spec4colon's response:
We finally sat down and had a talk, with my daughter around. A couple weeks on her medication and there is SUCH an improvement! I let him see that it did not affect her personality, she is still quite vibrant and active. But she doesn't freak out over everything anymore. She's more patient, she shares. I see her go to initially react badly, then think about it, then decide to go down a better path. Since he got to see how it has affected her only positively, he has agreed to be more supportive of her medication. Thank you all for your advice and kind words! I'm brand new to this world of having a child with ADHD, and I'm sure this is only the first of many questions!


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