ADD / ADHD Community

Hi. I feel for you. ADHD children can be very willful and frustrating. On the other hand, they are usually very smart.
I think it helps to have a structured routine so they know what to expect. These children definately do not like surprises or to have their activities suddenly interrupted. It is good to give them a ten minute warning before they are going to stop whatever they are doing. I have ADHD myself and all three of my children have it, as well as a few of my grandchildren. They like to stay busy. If you can find projects for them to work on
that will keep their interest, you might work in some time for yourself or to work on your own things. From how you describe your life at home, it seems there is a chance you might have ADHD, too. There are several adult ADHD sites online and sites that let you take a test to determine if you might have ADHD. This is helpful for you because it lets you be aware of your actions and how they are affecting your children. Please know that I am not suggesting you are responsible for their ADHD or behavior, just that I know that because I had ADHD and only discovered it when I was 40, it helped my understand why I, myself, was always running in circles and never seemed to get anything done and had trouble setting boundaries for my children to follow - or enforcing what boundaries I did set. It works much better if your yes means yes and your no means no. An ADHD child can argue forever and has amazing reasoning abilities. My son was six when I realized he could out reason me. My granddaughter is four. It helps to set rules, chores,schedules, etc., so when they start trying to get out of something, instead of trying to reason with them or arguing with them, you can just say those are the rules you agreed on and they have to follow them of have a consequence (depending on the age of the child). I know it's not that easy, but these children often have a great sense of humor and a great desire to learn (things they are interested in). I'm glad you are seeing a therapist. This should make it much easier for you to cope. It helps to know someone is on your side and working with you to learn how to help your children. I don't know if any of this helps. I have seen ADHD kids who were terrors without their meds, and others who just wanted your attention every second, or are busy every second of the day. The one thing I found that helped the most was to find things they enjoyed doing, because just as they will rebel against something they don't want to do, they can do things they enjoy for long periods of time. Best of luck to you. I think you did a great thing by seeking help. I see so many children with ADHD whose parents don't want to admit their child has a problem and so they suffer as they try to find their own way through life.

Hi MrsSeitz,

You say you are a "really busy family and really don't make plans. We go with what we want at that time."

I strongly encourage you and your husband/partner to be evaluated for ADHD. It is a highly genetic condition, meaning your children could have inherited it from either (or both) parent.

You know how the flight attendant says to "put on your oxygen mask first?" The same applies to parents of kids with ADHD who themselves have ADHD.

You can best help your children (whether or not they have ADHD) by taking steps to deal with your own ADHD symptoms and becoming better able to plan.

Parents with unrecognized/untreated ADHD have more trouble being effective parents. Effective parenting requires consistency, and that can be very difficult for people with unrecognized/untreated ADHD.

In fact, you might be giving too much medication or therapy to your child in a misguided effort to make up for disorganization and chaos at home. I'm sure you would agree that this isn't a good idea. I encourage you to consider getting help for yourself and maybe your partner.

Good luck,
Gina Pera

you are not alone my son is15 and has adhd with oppositional defiant disorder and a tic he was on medication but he soon fell out with it (with help from his father) i am still trying to get him an appointment to see a behavioural thearpist as well as many other agencies but dont give up your daughter is young and with your love you will find a way. 2 things my mum said to me which i found help were to first learn to laugh with your friends and family about it my son was a little older than your daughter when he took to climbing on the shed roof and pretending to be a monkey. still makes me chuckle even now. secondly make sure you find some you time it does make a difference.