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ADD and Lost
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mbivins77 posted:
I was dignosed when I was 4 or 6 can't remember. I am 36 now and have been living with the consant failure of not holding a job. I am married and have 4 kids. I can't bring myself to stay working where I feel I am going nowhere, I have shown that I can do more than just my job and do them well but nothing ever comes. I can't work like a slave for what little these places what to pay. Have thought about going back to school but I know I will fail. the only thing I can seem to stay foucsed on is a certain video game, no clue why. I have been luck to make it as a high school grad, but there is no more. I want on days to just whilt away and let my death insurance give the peace of mind to my family they derserve. Not that I want to die, but just feel like it. I have fought watching Cancer take many ppl in my life and have been my wife's rock after God through her Breast cancer. I have so many interests but can't stay to just one as I get bored ( except that one damn video game). I went to the Navy to gain self control of which I have gained some, but in the end it's not enough. I am truly lost on how to function. I can't afford meds and I end up making to much for medicaid in my state. I don't have time to try waiting for disablity. I want time with my family, not a paid slave somewhere. I cannot bring myself to allow my feelings to be set aside even for my family. I know this wrong and I do not deserve them. I have tried working many types of jobs even out of town and 3rd and 2nd shift work...and not seeing and being there for my kids events has killed me inside which is why I can't just suck it up and deal with it. I have spoke to a counsler and was going back on meds but a job came open I needed one and took it, and due to ADD almost lost the job driving a truck. thought this was going to be great driving home every night but then, they want me to to everything and drive and they don't say we're working weekends til Fri. when we go to leave. They never know when we are going home during the week. I can't keep this up these are the reasons I left or was fired to begin with. I can't continue to be upset taking it out on my family. I don't know if I'm ADD and Bi-polor with a touch of depression or what. I can't afford to see professionals and don't have the time. I try to keep my head up at least in front of those whom amtter but inside I'm hiding under myself. Please someone help me, there are many days I just want to go on Rampage not to hurt anyone but just destroy things to ease the rage and failure I feel. I have had my wrist broken so many times if it happens agin they will have to fuse it, I have has 4 knukles minipulated back into position, and have had a knee surgery. My body so at the point I feel it just can't do the things I need it to anymore and can't seem to find any help. I don't go to Dr.'s until I have to, and the ones that I ahve tried speaking to say I'm lazy. I walk at least 2-3 miles at work and 1-2 when not there, I am active with my kids from playing softball and baseball to cheerleading and football. I have so much knowledge in my brain I can't seem to keep any of it together, random thoughts bouncing all over. It takes so much out me to try and keep myself thinking in a matter that others would understand. Ok guess I'm done thanks for listening.
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desi69 responded:
hey. i'm 51 and know exactly how u feel. addaroll xr/zoloft changed my life 4yrs ago. instant focus. than run with it. talk to your wife or close friend so you don't get stuck. exercise. look for a job that can pay you the money you need. than go to school online to get education u need to get job. i went back to school fulltime at 40. i'm a massage therapist now. i love my job. and that was before the adderall legal and drug problems. The addaroll xr was key. not the generic brand. almost ruined me. try it
 
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Jacey26 responded:
I am so glad I see your post it made my night because it feels good knowing that someone else feels exactly like I do . It did not help calling a friend who shared words that made me feel so misunderstood like how doctors defined you to be lazy . I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year , and I am on meds but the effectiveness is decreasing and lately I have been feeling exactly what you wrote in your post . I can never be on time or have good attendance anywhere I go especially at work . Just like you I feel some sort of guilt if I cant be there for my children if I have to go to work , it drives me nuts . I understand you do not have insurance , but medicine is something that will help however my medicine is not currently helping . I am so stressed I forgot what I was going to type , I am not happy you are living with this but at the same time it makes me not feel screw up . I am not saying we are screw ups , its just people who do not have have add.adhd have no idea , they they think we just need to grow up and get it together , its just not that easy . We have the ability , its the commitment and time management for me . I cannot juggle kids a full time job and school all at once and be on time to every single event , I just feel like I cant do anything right and I am upset for saying that because I am usually an optimist .
 
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GinaPera responded:
First, I'm so sorry to hear of your distress. One of the reasons I have volunteered so heavily in the area of Adult ADHD is because it has such very real and demoralizing effects on the lives of millions of Americans.

Second, I will be very clear about what you must do next.

You must put aside all other activities, interests, and distractions right now and focus on finding treatment for your condition. It sounds like ADHD, but it might be something else or in addition to ADHD.

Ask as many of your "organized friends" as you can for their help until you find one who will help you chase down a free clinic or sliding-scale physician. The pharmaceutical companies make discounted or free medications available to people who qualify. The doctor does the paperwork.

Once you start getting treatment, you should be better able to handle a job and organize your life. Until you do this, you might keep feeling like you're drowning.

Please do this right now. Don't procrastinate. Don't think the problem will go away on its own. Don't drown your sorrow in a stimulating video game. Focus on TREATMENT right now. And recruit someone to help you stay on track.

I hope this helps!

Gina Pera


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