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Former addict wanting one last chance
theskymovessideways posted:
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 6. I am 21 now. When I was a kid I was prescribed ritalin for a short amount of time before it made me go insane, then took wellbutrin until THAT made me go insane (aggressive). When I was in high school (age 16) I went to a psychiatrist and was prescribed focalin... can you guess what happened? Then we switched to adderall which was PERFECT! However, I had a problem being responsible with the medication so you can understand why I didnt get it after that. I was in college when I went back to the doctor and did the exact same thing with my adderall prescription, gone in days. This happened for two months (2 prescriptions) until i called one day and found my phone number to be blocked (i had called after from a different number, identified myself and got hung up on, I really dont blame them). Recognizing that maybe I shouldn't be on stimulants given my high abuse potential I went to an outpatient mental clinic where I was given strattera. I would call that the worst thing ive ever taken, had the wellbutrin ive been prescribed after that been any better (strattera didnt get things done where wellbutrin didn't get things done and left me content that I didnt get anything on). Furious, I went cold turkey, stuck to reading Dr. Hallowell's book, and to no surprise of my own ended up dropped out of school. I had moved to a different state one year ago. About six months ago, I went to a doctor having changed my major and finding myself in the same place of being unable to focus, not being productive, not retaining information, and worst of all now being conditioned against stressors (I cant get anything done so I dont do anything therefore I dont have to feel bad about not getting anything done). This doctor thought my issues were more related to anxiety (bullspit, I told him my history and he went to go hide in his cave, i even told him not to prescribe me stimulants) so he gave me lexapro (which did the same thing as wellbutrin, except with a suicide attempt) and risperidone... which gave me a dystonic episode. I didnt take any medication after that and dropped out of school again, which really irritated me and led to compulsive drinking (getting drunk every night). My brother smokes pot and I used to once in a very blue moon (pot is not really my thing). So one day our friendly neighborhood drug dealer sent out a mass text message that adderall is available. Not a shocker, its vyvanse and he dosent know what the hell is going on. I decided to see if I could give myself a last chance so I purchased a few and alas, I have been taking them responsibly (40mg a day) for 3 weeks without a single incident of overdosing, a complete and total first for me. My repeated failure has finally resulted in self control, which ultimately resulted in total symptom relief. Now I am no fool, self medication is dangerous and I do not wish to play doctor on myself so I am wondering what would happen if I actually told a psychiatrist about all of this. I admit, if I were the medical professional in this hypothetical I wouldn't even be skeptical, I wouldn't believe a word I said and even I would throw me right to the streets for being the boy who cried wolf, I get it. But on the off chance that my cynical nature is giving me the wrong idea I would like some (hopefully professional) insight on this scenario. I did not take the medicine to get high when I was abusing it, it was just hard to stop after one. I appreciate any and all answers to this predicament, and if enough people think this automatically excludes me from treatment I'm not even going to waste my time. Let's see if I can be surprised.

P.S. the reason lexapro isn't rated worse than the wellbutrin given the suicide attempt is because suicide probably wouldn't have been a bad idea. I'm consciously incapable of doing it (being off the lexapro), no sense living in a sack of meat that cant even pay attention to the TV (of all things)
theskymovessideways responded:
Oh yes my doses were 10mg XR for the adderall, I dont remember how much I was taking for methylphenidate but it was quite low as well. Wellbutrin I did 150, then 300, then 450.This went on for about 6 months. Strattera I worked up to 60mg before I decided that it was completely worthless (gave it 6 weeks)
Nancy1983 responded:
Dear theskymovessideways, Don't give up! I was taking adderal since the mid 1980's and it changed my life and never had a problem abusing it. Then in 2000 due to divorce and tragedies with health my children, I started abusing alcohol after a lifetime of normal drinking, I was so far gone I ended up in the hospital psych. floor for a month. After that no one would prescribe me any decent meds because my problem with alcohol was in the "SYSTEM". I tried a number of psychiatrists and they denied me both ADD stimulant meds and anything that was in the benzo family for my anxiety disorder. Finally I found a psychiatrist willing to prescribe me Amphetamine salt combo for ADD Klonopin for anxiety.He was an old Psychiatrist who had seen it all so to speak and realized I was self medicating with alcohol for my anxiety disorder. I forgot to mention that I also spent a month in rehab after the month in the hospital because I just couldn't stop drinking. Still this Dr. believed I deserved a chance on the best meds for my disorders. Maybe you could start your search with Drs who specialize in anxiety and depression and stay away from addiction Drs. From my experience, they focus on the high failure rate of solving addictions and believe once an addict always one.You can google Anxiety and Depression Association of America, and they can find you Drs. who specialize in this in your area. Whatever you do, don't give up trying. Maybe you should start with a Dr. in your area who only specializes in ADD ADHD-go in for screening and don't mention that you ever went to any Drs before him or her. These people are expensive for the initial visit but in the long run would be cheaper than going from Dr. to Dr trying to get meds. Good luck, Nancy83

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