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ADHD mom spiraling down
kablewi2 posted:
I'm an ADHD mom with 6 kids (4 have been diagnosed with ADHD, one severely and one has mood disregulation disorder AND adhd but can only take meds for the mood thing) and I feel like everything is spiraling out of control. I'm on medication, have kept my job for over 2 years, but more and more I feel like I can't handle anything that's thrown at me. I'm on Concerta and Strattera. Could the medication be making me freak out? It's not like off my meds I felt like I did better, but it seems like I'm more distressed than I used to be.. that could be my ADHD memory, too. I'm so overwhelmed all the time. The house never seems to stay clean for longer than 5 minutes... oh.. one of the kids is 3... and she's the reason my room is never tidy... another reason my room is never tidy.. I'm losing my mind.. or at least I feel like I am. And it's depressing me, this endless loop of mess that won't go away or give me any freedom to do fun things.
An_256857 responded:
I sympathize with your situation and I wish there was an easy answer but of course, there is not. I'm a single mom of 2 boys but only one has ADHD. He did gain a little more self control as he got older, I'd say by 13 he was easier to live with. Other kds around would bring out the hyperactivity in him and also get my younger one going. I also worked full-time with a long commute and because I needed to keep them in sports to handle the hyperactivity, this meant an additional schedule to juggle for each kids's activity so it helped but it made me crazy at the same time.

In hindsght I would say to relax.
Don't try to do it all or worry about giving the appearance that you CAN do it all. If you forget something, oh well, it's not worth feeling guilty about it or less than any other mom. They all forget things even though they would never admit it. But nobody understands just how hard it is for an ADHD mom to remember it all. Best thing I do for myself is when I get a new schedule for my boys, I add all the dates into my smart phone. But that doesn't always get my attention, even if I put reminders in well in advance. I also add it to my Internet calendar online. As the boys got older I would tell them not to count on me to remember their schedule, so they better find out where they need to be and when and then remind me to get them there. The house, I gave up on as far as making beds every morning because my ADHD son had an accident every day until he was about 13. It drove me insane because I wanted him to have a clean bed. I hated the fact that it created extra work like laundry and remaking the bed. It was an endless battle, and I wish I could take back all of the times that I screamed at him for things he couldn't control. If you need to resort to frozen foods and paper plates some of the time to give yourself a break then so be it. It's a lot less to clean up at the end of the day.

School work: Some teachers understand ADHD and some don't, especially Catholic School. I switched him to public by middle school and they put him in an AVID program which taught him to organize his binder and take notes. He still gets lower grades than his ability because he forgets to do homework or turn things in.

Hang in there and try to let some of these things go. You are going to forget things, the house will not stay clean, and the kids may not make straight A's as much as we wish it weren't true. Give yourself credit but you are doing an impossible job that most people couldn't do for one day. Tell yourself it's ok that you are not perfect and that's o.k. Sometimes we keep expecting and planning for Sunny weather when that's not reality. You are going to have some rainy days.

For you, yoga or mediation if you can find 5 minutes to breathe.

You have my blessings.

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