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mosleyd36 posted:
Hi, I'm Danielle. I am active on the infertility treatment board and DH and I have struggled with infertility for almost 3 years. We just got some bad SA results (DH may now have zero sperm, we need to clarify...long story) and just last night I got a text from a friend asking if she could come over. I hadn't seen or talk to her in a while but she came over and told us she was pregnant and she didn't want to keep it. She said she was going to have an abortion but she couldn't get us out of her head and wants us to adopt her baby. She knows of our struggles.

We all three talked for a long time and she is 80% sure she wants to do this. If she doesn't give us the baby, she is going to have an abortion. Of course, we said we would want it.

None of us know where to begin and we do have concerns. How would an adoption like this work? Will it be significantly cheaper than going through an agency? I have heard of people adopting for $75 for filing fee because they were able to adopt this way. I know in Utah they require a homestudy whether you go through an agency or not. Who would we contact? Can we just get papers from the court to do ourselves. She wants to keep this as simple as possible...no lawyers, no agency, etc. All three of us are interested is some form of counseling to talk about what it will be like...after all we are friends and it would obviously be an open adoption.

She is 7.5 weeks along and due in November. I know these things take time and I have no idea how to even get the ball rolling? Any information would be appreciated.
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fiannakyn responded:
Congradulations!

1) you should have a lawyer at least look over your paperwork. There is a lot of details that have to be verified. Some states have laws requireing that the birthparents have legal representation.

2) You Can do it without an agancy, you can contact a family law or adoption lawyer directly who can help you do the paperwork.

3) Defiantly have your friend attend counseling, she will have to work through the stages of greif no matter what she decides. in her case, she should go to acceptance pretty quickly, but it can never hurt to have someone to talk to.

4) HomeStudies are usualy done for about $1000-$2000 at the most, I know in MO if I had a private one done it woudl be $1500. google 1-800 homestudy If i remember right, its a listing of homestudy agancies.

5) I believe UT also is the only state (its either UT or ID) that allows for the adoptive parent's health insurance to pay for part of the birthmother's medical expences. call your insurance company to verify though.

6) Some of the other things you need to discuss with her is birth mother expences- the standard is to at least cover for medical expenses of the pregnancy, and all legal fees and counsuling. Sometimes you can also include a stipen for food and clothing, this is regulated state by state so you may or may not be able to claim those on the tax refund. (some states have laws against birthmother expenses to prevent birthmothers from making a profit by selling the baby) If she doesn't have health insurance, she should enroll in Medicaid which will help you on the costs.

If I remember correctly- the steps are having the home study done, filing papers with the courts as intent of adoption, parental rights termination at birth (or whatever state regulations are), Then finalization which is the absolute end.

Oh and the Birthfather has to be in agreement too. So even if it was a one night stand, he has to be told of the pregnancy and the intent of adoption and he has to sign Termination of parental rights as well. If the birth father is truly unknown, there are procedures to do a termination of rights but I dont know how its done in UT.

all told it should cost well under $5000 for everything though, including legal.
Vicky(33), married 10 years, no children. Fought (and lost) infertility for all 10 years. Moving on to adoption, starting foster/adoption training with county DFS on March 28th, 2011


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