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What do you think i should do?
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eagle2011 posted:
Okay i know that in most people's lives we make mistakes. Am i right? Anyways, one of my biggest mistakes was leaving a girl i loved very much (who happened to be pregnant at the time). Well now two years has gone by and i just now finally talked to her. She is married and has another kid with her husband and was curious about what happened to our daughter. I wasn't sure what she did with her, whether she had an abortion or gave her up for adoption or what. But i asked her and she gave it up for adoption. Someone who can support her and love for her and everything. Now my question is how can she sign my rights over without me? Is there diffrent laws in diffrent states for adoption? And now that two years have gone by is it possible for me to even try to fight for her back or should i just let her be where shes at. thanks
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fiannakyn responded:
Wow. You do have a lot to think about. I'm glad you want to be involved and hope you can at least get some information. Im' sorry for the late update, this board is slow enough I dont check it too often

However- it does depend on the state the birth happened in as to what rights the birth father has. Some states have ZERO rights- the birth mother can decide to adopt and even if the bio father is right there saying no, it can be done. Other states require "reasonable attempts to locate the father and attaine authorization for adoption" but no state has anything that would give you any rights 2 years later. Even if there was any possability, it would be a long drawn out battle that would be VERY expensive on your part.

Where I woudl start with your case is to ask your ex what agancy or lawyer she used to place the baby and if it was an open adoption, semi closed, or closed, then contact that lawyer or agency and see if you can obtain the same contact your ex has. if it's a total closed adoption, you wont get anything, but if it's open or semi closed, you might get at least updates and pictures.

As a foster parent of a 16 month old removed from his family, I would say unless you really feel you want to fight to the end and have the means to do so, to get your daughter back, then I wouldn't try. Even at 2, she has bonded with her family and would be devistated to be removed to live with a strange man. My foster son has night terrors because of the sudden change of families and he was just over a year old. Contact or updates would be your best option.

if you tell me which state your ex gave birth in, I can tell you what birth father rights there are.
Vicky(34), married 10 years, no children. Fought (and lost) infertility for all 10 years. Adopting a baby boy due Christmas Day! Also licensed foster parents.
 
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eagle2011 replied to fiannakyn's response:
Thanks for replying back and its okay about the board i completely understand. I knew someone would eventually reply back lol. Anyways the ex gave birth in ohio as far as i know. But the daughter lives in indiana. I don't know if the rights are the same or diffrent but i have talked to one lawyer and he told me there might not be much i can do considering the fact that she is two and i waited two years to finally do something about it.

The adoption on the other hand is an open adoption. The parents are wanting me to write a letter telling them about me but don't exactly know what to say and this was three weeks ago. I heard that you were a foster parent. If you sent a letter out like that what would you want to know? Any ideas or thoughts? My problem is what happens if they denie the father from seeing the child? Is there a possible chance of me winning in court considering i waited two years to do something or do i wait for her to come around to start looking for me?

Its very hard for a father not to see his daughter grow up and if im not able to see her it would devastate me. But anyways thanks for your time and replying back and if any chance help me out with some answers thanks and i really appriciate it.
 
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fiannakyn replied to eagle2011's response:
I understand your concern and desire to be part of your daughter's life, Unfortunatly there really isnt anything you can do legally I think. According to the www.childwelfare.gov The Ohio laws says no consent is needed from the father for adoption if he has failed to register with the putative father registry by 30 days after the child's birth, OR if the father has failed to support or attempt to communicate with the child for at least 1 year. Indiana says the same thing except the putative registry has to be done before the birth.

I do think your best bet is to stay in contact with the adoptive family sense they are willing to work with you. They probably understand you too, and want to make sure you have that contact. They are probably just as curious about you. You do represent half of their daughter's history, and they probably don't want that lost.

Be honest in your letter. They arn't there to judge your character. Just to learn more about you. Write it from your heart. Write it "to" your daughter if that helps you. Either way I bet they save it in her baby book. Think of all the things you want her to know about you. Don't try to lay blaim for the break up on anyone. It happened. Nothing anyone says will change that. Don't worry about how long it's taking you to respond. They understand it's a hard thing to put to paper. They seem to be willing to work with you, but remember they have 100% legal care of the child, and if they feel that contact with you is harmfull to the child, they legaly can restrict you. most adoptive parents I know have only done that usually in cases where the bio parent has drug or legal problems.
Vicky(34), married 10 years, no children. Fought (and lost) infertility for all 10 years. Adopting a baby boy due Christmas Day! Also licensed foster parents.
 
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eagle2011 replied to fiannakyn's response:
really thank you for you taking the time out of your day to help me. I have finally wrote the letter and hoping to send it off tommorrow. I did write the letter as if it was to my daughter which made it so much easier to write. But i will keep you posted on how things work out. And thanks so much
 
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RoseLynn02 replied to eagle2011's response:
It's been a month since your post & I was just curious as to how it turned out? Well I hope?
 
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eagle2011 replied to RoseLynn02's response:
well i still haven't heard anything from the adoptive parents yet so im still waiting on a response from them.
 
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RoseLynn02 replied to eagle2011's response:
Oh dear, I'm sorry...I do hope you hear something from them soon. This can't be easy on anyone involved. My thoughts are with you. I'll keep hoping for the best for you. Please update us again soon.
 
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eagle2011 replied to RoseLynn02's response:
Thanks for the concern and im hoping to hear something soon too. I will make sure to keep you guys updated as soon as i hear something
 
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RoseLynn02 replied to eagle2011's response:
Sounds good & I'll keep hoping for the best for you.
 
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eagle2011 replied to RoseLynn02's response:
I have finally heard back from them.. I do have good news i do get to see her for the first time. They want to meet me and get to know me and everything before i get to know them which is understandable. Everything is finally working out. So thanks for all your help you guys.
 
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RoseLynn02 replied to eagle2011's response:
Congrats. I'm so happy for you & I hope it continues to work out well.
 
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nel612 replied to eagle2011's response:
Hello...

I just joined this group. I saw your questions on your daughter that was given up for adoption. I just had to respond/reply! I was in HS when I got pregnant w/ my daughter. My Dad made me give her up for adoption. This was back in 1982. THE WORST thing I have ever gone through in my life. It was a CLOSED adoption. I had no chioce; no one ever asked me what I/we wanted to do with OUR BABY!! I was sent out to Houston, TX to live with my sister and her husband and 3 yr old daughter- to have my baby, and give her up for adoption! It was a very miserable 23 yrs of my life...until I finally got the chance to meet my baby girl!! Now...we are sooo close; like we were never even seperated!! It is now, THE BEST!! The distance stinxxx! I live in CT. But we talk all the time. I go see her every yr/2!!

If I can be of any help, please feel free to contact me. I have lived it. I still have things that I have to deal with, from the whole thing. But...very happy, and thankful that I have what I have with her now.
My father passed away in Jan of 05, so he never had the chance to meet my beautiful daughter, but...she called me 6 mos after he passed!! Sooo...we honestly believe, that HE was the ANGEL that sent her to me!! I was healed by that.

I think it is wonderful that yours, is an open adoption. I hope everything will work out for you and for YOUR DAUGHTER!! I also think, that you are a wonderful father/person, for wanting to be involved in your daughter's life!!

Bless You!!
 
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eagle2011 replied to nel612's response:
Sorry its been awhile since i been back on here. Anyways the status update that i have so far. Is they are allowing me to see her sometime this month but they told me that back at the first of january. Well since then i have sent a letter to them asking for a paternity test to reassure them that i am the father and to also reassure my family (for the ones who don't believe its mine). I haven't exactly heard back from them yet. Was it wrong that i asked them for the test? Its been at least 3 weeks since i sent the letter and i haven't heard back from them. Any idea what they could be thinking... cause at this point im thinking i blew my chance of seeing her. Help please????

Thanks for the support
 
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RoseLynn02 replied to eagle2011's response:
They might be concerned about you taking them to court & attempting to get custodial rights to her or visitation rights, which would take the control from them. If it was suppose to be a closed adoption or only a partially open one, the concept of that would be upsetting. Or it could be something else. You wont know unless you ask I suppose. It seems like they have been kind of on the fence about letting you into her life, maybe they are still trying to adjust to the idea. I don't know, but I do wish you luck in the whole thing. I really do.


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