Skip to content
I'm was adopted...having fears & need an ear & voice?
avatar
RoseLynn02 posted:
I'm 25yrs old now & have my birth mom, but was adopted by my step dad. I never knew my biological father as a child, but found him as an adult & really didn't like him. Turned out he is just a drunk who had a bunch of kids with a bunch of woman & didn't take care of any of them, Needless to say I didn't continue any sort of relationship with him & honestly don't care too. My ? is....Is anyone else here from a similar situation? Do any of you ever wonder if anything was to happen to your bio-parent if your adopted parent would still be there as much or if they suddenly would leave your life? Really I feel almost stupid for feeling this way because my daddy doesn't treat me like he adopted me & never did. He always treated me as his own & to see us side by side you would never know & he never tells anyone he adopted me, he just introduces me as his daughter. But I guess the fear is still there. I also feel like maybe my brothers (his sons, not my mothers) might do the same & it scares me because I love them & there kids so much. I have my husband & our 2 daughters & that's enough for me, but I don't ever want to loose the rest of my family. I didn't have my dad till I was 8yrs old. So I guess from not having a family to having one the idea of not having one just seems sad. My parents are both in decent health & my daddy has never given me a reason to feel this way nor have my brothers & the chance of any of this happening is slim to non, but for some reason I keep thinking about it & thinking about it & my fear of this silly stuff happening is getting worse. Anyone else ever gone through this or have anything to say? advice? opinions?
Reply
 
avatar
fiannakyn responded:
My husband could almost have written your post.
His birthcertificate even had blank for his father's info cause his mom will not say anything about him, even 35 years later. All we know is he left her when she got pregnant.

DH's stepfather came into the picture when he was almost 6 and he never formally adopted Ashley but never treated him less than his own either. We have no doubt if something had happened to Ash's mom, Ash's step dad would still be there for him. (unfortunatly his stepdad passed away a few years ago) Ash's stepfamily still treat him as one of their own. Ash does also have a half sister 10 years younger than him and those 2 are inseperatable emotionally.

You have the classic Cinderella fear Too many Disney "Evil step mothers"
Vicky(34), married 10 years, no children. Fought (and lost) infertility for all 10 years. Adopting a baby boy due Christmas Day! Also licensed foster parents.
 
avatar
RoseLynn02 replied to fiannakyn's response:
Thanks. It's nice to hear of someone else with a similar past. Especially coming from you. I have read some of your posts about your new DS & all the improvements he has made since you adopted him. I have such respect for people like you & your DH. There are so many kids in the world with out a family who could really use parents like you & your DH. You're a true inspiration. Especially for someone like me who comes from an adopted background.

I think you're right about me having a fairy tale complex in a bad way. Most little girls have it in the "perfect prince & castle" kind of way, mine is a little backwards. I know in my heart you're right. I am one of the lucky ones, I did get that daddy I never would have had otherwise. Not all "parent-less children" are so lucky as your DH & myself. Thank you again so much. You have made me feel better. I'm still not completely over my fear, as ridiculous as it may be, but your post helped. Oh, & I can't wait to hear more about your darling LO. I think you were born for this & for him.
 
avatar
fiannakyn replied to RoseLynn02's response:
HUGGS!!
and THANK YOU for the comment


Always remember- Family is not nessisarily who you were born with, but who you CHOOSE.
Vicky(34), married 10 years, no children. Fought (and lost) infertility for all 10 years. Adopting a baby boy due Christmas Day! Also licensed foster parents.
 
avatar
RoseLynn02 replied to fiannakyn's response:
I'll keep that in mind. Thank you so much for the support. & no thanks necessary, everything I said is the truth. I only "said out load" (so to speak) what I'm sure you & everyone around you already knows. I hope more children are so lucky as to get parents like you. It seems like everyone who adopts only wants newborns & don't consider that there are children of all ages out there that need a loving home. It's nice to see someone who is more than happy to accept a young toddler into their home with open arms & loving hearts. Now if we could only get the young kids & pre-teens & so on into homes like yours we would be on the right track. I do hope you & your DH continue to adopt. I know it's not cheap, I would adopt if I could, but it just isn't something I could afford. At least not right now...maybe someday....I am only 25 after all..... My daddy is coming to see me this week & next week before he goes on holiday. He is going to one of my older brothers(his sons) houses this year for Christmas & wont be back till after the new year. We take turns hosting Christmas, but my parents are going on holiday this time for 3wks, so they will be gone a while. You know it's funny...my brothers mom passed away when they were young adults (that parts not funny), but they have always treated my mom like she was theirs as well & their kids call her grandma & they all have a wonderful relationship & I don't think that they have the same fears as me. I think they know she would always me with them no matter what. I think I am going through this because I went from no dad to having a dad & don't want it to change... & we had a few scares of almost loosing our dad over the last few years. He had a stoke & then he had skin cancer & then he just was treated for thyroid cancer. Maybe that's where all this is coming from....you think?
 
avatar
WildSpirit009 replied to fiannakyn's response:
I can completely agree! I was adopted at the age of two years, and I know that I may have been raised by "strangers", but I love them as if they were my biological parents. They have always considered themselves to be my "real" parents and I couldn't agree more with them. They have helped me through a lot of tough times and even when anxiety was cranked up, they just supported me and told me what I needed to hear. My life has been ok, just a lot of emotional issues I need to figure out, but most all of them are linked to knowing nothing about my biological father and little to nothing about anything medically that could be helpful in the long run. Just wanted to put that out there.


Spotlight: Member Stories

Dec, 2011 Hi, I'm Vicky, my husband is named Ashley (really!) and we've been married for over 10 years. I have PCOS so we struggled with infer...More

Helpful Tips

Be the first to post a Tip!

Helpful Resources

Be the first to post a Resource!

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.