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An_253773 posted:
In the 5th grade I found out that my dad was not my biological dadhe adopted me that year. He has always taken care of me and always been there for me. But a part of me has always wanted to see what my biological father look like and have a chance to speak with him I've recently found him on Facebook and we have messaged each other a few times. My father left my mother before I was born and and only saw me once or twice from what I've heard he was not a very good man in and out of jail. I'm 23 now married and have a2 year old son my husband is not very supportive of me contacting my bio dad have any of you . kind of similar situation how did you handle it and were you happy you contacted them I'm very confused I feel guilty for contacting him I don't want to hurt my adopted dad or my mother
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alysag124 responded:
I am kind of in the same situation as you. My dad adopted me when I was in 5th grade too, but I knew he wasn't my real dad since I was younger. He has just always been there for me and I never gave it much thought that I even had a biodad, because I already had a dad who cared for me. It didn't matter if he was blood or not. When I was about 14 I became curious about my biodad and was able to get his name from my mom. Eventually I found him but I never had the guts to contact him. Three years later, I am still debating whether or not I should contact him. I've had a really rocky relationship with my family since I was 13 and that's the reason I decided to find my biodad when I was 14. When I was 16, things in my household became a lot worse and I ended up moving out and living with my best friend and her family (I am currently living here). I really want to contact my biodad but I'm also terrified what my family will think. I don't want them thinking that because we have a rocky relationship, I'm trying to see if he can take me in. That isn't what me contacting him would be about. I just want to know him, his history, and where I came from. What do we have in common? Am I more like him than my mom? What happened between him and my mom? etc. I think one day I will reach out to him, but it will be whenever I am confident enough to handle whatever situation takes place. For your situation, I give you props for having the guts to contact your dad; that's incredible and I wish I was ready to do that. It is also fantastic that your husband isn't afraid to voice his opinion on the matter, but at the same time I feel he should be a little more supportive to what you want. Also, your adopted dad and mom might be hurt initially, but they will realize that you are just curious and that you will always be theirs. It is your right to continue contacting your dad, if you choose to; their is no need in feeling guilty. This is something I must learn too, when I decide to contact my dad. I hope sharing my story and perspective will help you decide what you should do


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