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Arguing with DH *VENT*
Jen_FLMom posted:
About this whole TTC thing. We got into it last night when I got home from work because he wants to start TTC right now and I know I am not all the way ready yet. I thought we had agreed that when I see my GYN for my annual visit in December I would tell her we were ready to TTC so she could help with going off BCP's and back to the meds I was on when DD was conceived. (I have PCOS) He says he never agreed to that.
My issue is that DH is a law enforcement officer for our county and due to some nonsense in the way shifts were assigned this year he went back to a shift working 7pm-7am. They bid for shifts every January and there is no guarantee that he will be able to go back to day shift next year either. I want to wait to TTC until we are sure he will be home at night.
I work full-time and we have a DD who will be 2 next week. I don't think I can work all day and come home to a toddler and be pregnant and then have a new baby to care for who will be up every couple hours round the clock AND be doing it all by myself at night.
Something's gotta give and the only things we can do about the situation are either wait a little longer to have a second baby or find a way for me to be a SAHM after the second baby is born. He makes me feel like I am being selfish for not wanting to TTC right now. He said he wanted our kids to be 4-5 years apart but I am the one who convinced him why it would be good to have them closer together and now I am the one backing out of it. THEN he said that if I am not pregnant by DD's 3rd birthday then we are done and he doesn't want another baby if it will be that far apart from our DD!!!
Don't my concerns about how it will affect ME matter at all? I am the one who will be doing everything myself when he is not there. He sleeps during the day and DD is in daycare so he only has her by himself 1 day a week until I get home from work. I do most of the work taking care of her when we are together and I have her by myself every night he works and all day and night every other weekend when he is either working or sleeping. So his desire to have our kids closer together should outweigh all of my reasons I am not ready yet?
I feel pressured and like I should agree to TTC now regardless of my worries about how it will all work out.
Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better.
My issue is that DH is a law enforcement officer for our county and due to some nonsense in the way shifts were assigned this year he went back to a shift working 7pm-7am. They bid for shifts every January and there is no guarantee that he will be able to go back to day shift next year either. I want to wait to TTC until we are sure he will be home at night.
I work full-time and we have a DD who will be 2 next week. I don't think I can work all day and come home to a toddler and be pregnant and then have a new baby to care for who will be up every couple hours round the clock AND be doing it all by myself at night.
Something's gotta give and the only things we can do about the situation are either wait a little longer to have a second baby or find a way for me to be a SAHM after the second baby is born. He makes me feel like I am being selfish for not wanting to TTC right now. He said he wanted our kids to be 4-5 years apart but I am the one who convinced him why it would be good to have them closer together and now I am the one backing out of it. THEN he said that if I am not pregnant by DD's 3rd birthday then we are done and he doesn't want another baby if it will be that far apart from our DD!!!
Don't my concerns about how it will affect ME matter at all? I am the one who will be doing everything myself when he is not there. He sleeps during the day and DD is in daycare so he only has her by himself 1 day a week until I get home from work. I do most of the work taking care of her when we are together and I have her by myself every night he works and all day and night every other weekend when he is either working or sleeping. So his desire to have our kids closer together should outweigh all of my reasons I am not ready yet?
I feel pressured and like I should agree to TTC now regardless of my worries about how it will all work out.
Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better.
5 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Arguing with DH *VENT*About this whole TTC thing. We got into it last night when I got home from work because he wants to start TTC right now and I know I am not all the way ready yet. I thought we had agreed that when I see my GYN for my annual visit in December I would tell her we were ready to TTC so she could help with going off BCP's and back to the meds I was on when DD was conceived. (I have PCOS) He says he never agreed to that. <br /> <br />My issue is that DH is a law enforcement officer for our county and due to some nonsense in the way shifts were assigned this year he went back to a shift working 7pm-7am. They bid for shifts every January and there is no guarantee that he will be able to go back to day shift next year either. I want to wait to TTC until we are sure he will be home at night. <br /> <br />I work full-time and we have a DD who will be 2 next week. I don't think I can work all day and come home to a toddler and be pregnant and then have a new baby to care for who will be up every couple hours round the clock AND be doing it all by myself at night. <br /> <br />Something's gotta give and the only things we can do about the situation are either wait a little longer to have a second baby or find a way for me to be a SAHM after the second baby is born. He makes me feel like I am being selfish for not wanting to TTC right now. He said he wanted our kids to be 4-5 years apart but I am the one who convinced him why it would be good to have them closer together and now I am the one backing out of it. THEN he said that if I am not pregnant by DD's 3rd birthday then we are done and he doesn't want another baby if it will be that far apart from our DD!!!<br /> <br />Don't my concerns about how it will affect ME matter at all? I am the one who will be doing everything myself when he is not there. He sleeps during the day and DD is in daycare so he only has her by himself 1 day a week until I get home from work. I do most of the work taking care of her when we are together and I have her by myself every night he works and all day and night every other weekend when he is either working or sleeping. So his desire to have our kids closer together should outweigh all of my reasons I am not ready yet? <br /> <br />I feel pressured and like I should agree to TTC now regardless of my worries about how it will all work out. <br /> <br />Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better. <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0">
mrslee97658 responded:
I hope you and DH were able to discuss and talk about your concerns.
Report This| Share this:Arguing with DH *VENT*I hope you and DH were able to discuss and talk about your concerns.
Jen_FLMom replied to mrslee97658's response:
We're still trying to find some common ground on the subject. The night after I posted this vent our DD had a really bad night sleeping and was actually awake from about 1am until 4am. 99% of the time she is a good sleeper but there is no way to predict the nights when she won't sleep so well for whatever reason. DH had to be up with her since he wasn't working and I had to work in the morning. I am able to use that as a specific example of my worries because what if he hadn't been there? I would have been up with her for 3 hours after working all day and before having to be up again to work the next day. Now add in a pregnancy/newborn to the mix...you get my point.
We haven't really had much time to revisit the topic with him working last night and tonight but I think it helped him see where I was coming from a little better. Still a work in progress.
We haven't really had much time to revisit the topic with him working last night and tonight but I think it helped him see where I was coming from a little better. Still a work in progress.
Report This| Share this:Arguing with DH *VENT*We're still trying to find some common ground on the subject. The night after I posted this vent our DD had a really bad night sleeping and was actually awake from about 1am until 4am. 99% of the time she is a good sleeper but there is no way to predict the nights when she won't sleep so well for whatever reason. DH had to be up with her since he wasn't working and I had to work in the morning. I am able to use that as a specific example of my worries because what if he hadn't been there? I would have been up with her for 3 hours after working all day and before having to be up again to work the next day. Now add in a pregnancy/newborn to the mix...you get my point.<br /> <br />We haven't really had much time to revisit the topic with him working last night and tonight but I think it helped him see where I was coming from a little better. Still a work in progress. <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0">
IMO, your uterus=you get the final vote. As far as him threatening you with not having another by the time you DD is three, well, that could just be him blowing smoke b/c who knows what could happen in a year or so. Don't let anyone, not even your hubby, dictate to you what you do with your body.
Report This| Share this:Arguing with DH *VENT*IMO, your uterus=you get the final vote. As far as him threatening you with not having another by the time you DD is three, well, that could just be him blowing smoke b/c who knows what could happen in a year or so. Don't let anyone, not even your hubby, dictate to you what you do with your body.
That's very true, wwwilson, thanks. I think it is just him being frustrated that I don't want to TTC right now. Usually we are very much on the same page with things and in this particular area we feel very differently so he's trying to get me to agree with what he thinks. Sorry, buddy! I feel very strongly about this and am digging in my heels until a time when we are BOTH ready. I know him like the back of my hand and I know once we agree that we want to have another baby and TTC he won't change his mind and want to quit before we get PG. I think the possibility of having a little boy will outweigh him being so stubborn in the end. 
Report This| Share this:Arguing with DH *VENT*That's very true, wwwilson, thanks. I think it is just him being frustrated that I don't want to TTC right now. Usually we are very much on the same page with things and in this particular area we feel very differently so he's trying to get me to agree with what he thinks. Sorry, buddy! I feel very strongly about this and am digging in my heels until a time when we are BOTH ready. I know him like the back of my hand and I know once we agree that we want to have another baby and TTC he won't change his mind and want to quit before we get PG. I think the possibility of having a little boy will outweigh him being so stubborn in the end. <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/wink.gif" align="top" border="0">
BabyLovesPrada responded:
Hey there, I had to respnd further down as the other day replies were not "sticking"
Report This| Share this:Arguing with DH *VENT*Hey there, I had to respnd further down as the other day replies were not "sticking"
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