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    Debra_EO posted:
    My mom 72 has Alzheimer's or Dementia, not sure of the difference yet, and has been displaying the symptoms for a little over a year now. This past weekend I got her to move in with us. The aggression and the violence between my parents has now developed. I know Dad yells, has as long as I can remember, now though it is more viscous. Was visiting with my hubby and boys (7 and last Christmas and Dad started yelling at the 8 year old. I have never seen my husband so mad, he interceded, told Dad in no uncertain terms never to speak to his son like that again. He gathered up both boys and took us to a hotel to stay for the rest of the visit. We have not stayed in their house since and when I have had to go visit or help I go alone. I am not sure to what extent the violence has gotten to and who is hitting whom. We employed a caregiver 8 hours a day a month ago and she says it is a little on both sides.

    All I know Mom is afraid and doesn't want to be there any more, so I again asked if she wanted to move in. She consented and I am relieved, now I can get her diagnosed. She would forget or cancel all the appointments I made for her. I am unsure how to proceed now and what I need to do next. Thankfully my brother has been doing their finances for the past year, but he lives in Southern California, and I live in Northern CA. He can probably still do that since Dad is still in the home with the caregiver continuing her services. Don't know how or if I should get some of Mom's things like her bed, dresser, TV or just get new for her room here. I am thinking just get new to avoid the upset on both parents part and less upheaval. Her personal affects we can gather as needed. The legal matters are another story. Do I get power of attorney, or does my brother, or both? Health care directive? I am looking on line and gathering info, but any advise would be appreciated. I suppose I will need a support group for her and us, I don't want to stress out the family or my boys more than they can handle. Just unsure of where to go from here.

    davedsel57 responded:
    Hello and welcome.

    I'm sorry to read about all your family has been through.

    Has your dad been diagnosed with some type of Dementia as well?

    Your best move, if you have not already, is to find a good primary care doctor for your mother. Then a neurologist that specializes in Alzheimer's and Dementia. There are medications that can slow the progression of the disease.

    Do you have a care giver for you mother as well even though she lives with you? That may be something to consider.

    The Alzheimer's Association at would also be a good source of information for you. You can find your local chapter and then find local support groups.

    I pray you can find the help and wisdom to get both of your parents the care that they need.
    Click on my user name or avatar picture to read my story.

    Blessings, Dave
    Judith L London, PhD responded:
    Hi D,

    Sorry I didn't pick up on your posting. Dave gives you good suggestions. To address some of your concerns:
    Dementia is an overall category of symptoms that involve memory loss plus of judgment, speech,or reasoning difficulties. Alzheimer's is the most common form of dementia. You may find more about this in my book as well.

    I would ask your Mom what personal articles she wants from her house - she can still tell you what's important to her. Photographs and mementos, alsong with a favaorite hairbrush or quilt or whatever, may head the list.

    Do get some help for yourself early - for many, it's much easier to accept it early on. Also, look for a memory day care center so that your Mom can have companionship from her peers and stimulation.

    You are dealing with complex issues - and you have a big heart!


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