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    An_252065 posted:
    My Mom just passed away and my brother and I are caring for my Dad with Alzheimer's. I am angry that my life has changed and resentful of my situation. My Dad cannot be left along and needs help with daily needs. I
    cjh1203 responded:
    Oh, I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother, and about the major change in your life because of it.

    Please contact your local Alzheimer's Association right away. Talk to someone there about your situation and your feelings. They have dealt with this a great deal and can offer you support and resources.

    I would guess your father is having a terrible time coping with the absence of your mother, and he may not even understand what has happened to her. Talking to someone about that might enable you find ways to help him with the loss. Even if he isn't saying anything about it, he is probably very confused and scared because your mom isn't there any more. As filled with grief as you are, you at least are able to understand what has happened, which may not be true of your father.

    Try to find a case manager -- someone who specializes in Alzheimer's patients -- who can assess your dad's condition, and his needs as well as yours. There are options available that can take a lot of the burden from your shoulders, such as bringing in aides to help with your father's daily care or perhaps even finding him a good memory care facility.

    You don't need to go through this alone, and you definitely should make your local Alzheimer's Association your first step in dealing with the challenges of Alzheimer's for your dad and you.

    Judith L London, PhD responded:

    My sympathies as well about both your parents. Caregivers are seeing the progressive losses every day, and it's so hard on you and your brother. It's as if there is no time to grieve for your mother's passing. It's OK to discuss this with your father because he knows that your Mom is no longer around. Talking about it will help the family.

    Explore local day programs for your father, as well as getting outside help with his daily needs. You and your brother would find that a Caregiver Support Group would give you some relief - and may tips on how to deal with the challenges you face. Once again, the Alzheimer's Assn. at is a great place to begin.

    Hope you can get some relief,

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