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Complaining mom
frogette posted:
Mom was diagnosed 4 years ago and when she was, I moved her in with me. I had her for 4 months before I couldn't take it anymore. She had me crying most of the time.My brother then moved her in with him which only lasted a couple of weeks and then he and my sister signed her into a assisted living home. She lived there up until a month ago. She starting falling and within two weeks, she broke her glasses twice and her front teeth twice. So I stepped in again and brought her home fearing if she stayed there, the next thing broke would be a hip or two. Things are better this time around as she's not so demanding as before but now it's the complaining. I try everything to please her. She needs a hearing aid but refuses one and she can't hear us so we speak loud and now she says we're yelling at her. It's a daily thing now that she ask who I am. I believe from her symptoms that she's in the moderate stage of this disease. And it's breaking my heart. But I want to do what's right by her. Sometimes though it just gets to be too much.
gwenid1701 responded:
Hi- as a nurse who has worked long-term care and assissted living, it sounds like you have hit the stage of the game that both you and your mother may benefit from admission to a long-term care facility SPECIALIZING in Alzhiemer's. Yes, I emphasize the specializing part. This group of individuals require specific care, and basic elder care is not sufficient. Also, it becomes more than most families are able to handle at home, and it sounds like you are about to that point. Many families I have talked to as part of admissions feel guilty about placement, and you have understandable concerns considering her experience at the assisted living facility. Assisted living was not a high enough care for someone with Alzhiemers, so I'm not suprised she had falls. Even with extensive Alzhiemers care, falls can happen. But I think both of you would benefit from placement. I'm not sure about the area you live in specifcally, but start with an internet search. Take tours of the facility, one on day shift and one on afternoon. Talk to the nursing staff, not just the admission director. You would be better with a facility you like further away than one not specilaized next door. Ask about activities- Alzhiemers do better with constant activities- down time is like a two-year old with no toys. If you decide to keep her at home, look into home health- comfort keepers is a company here in ohio, but there are others- that will not only help with her care but can help with activites and such. Also they can provide respite care so you can take a day (or more) to recharge. Nurses get paid to take care of your loved one 36-40 hours a week, we get wages, vacation, and health insurance. We still get burned out. Family members are 24/7, no vacation, no sick days. Don't forget to take care of yourself first!
cjh1203 replied to gwenid1701's response:
Hello gwenid1701.

The person you responded to posted seven months ago and hasn't been back, but I wanted to tell you that I think your post is excellent. It's something all Alzheimer's patients' loved ones should read.

Thanks so much for your contribution to this forum.

Best wishes-

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