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poaform posted:
I am here right now with my father who has dementia. He will sometimes go off without warning and right now we cannot get him to sign power of attorney so we can take care of his affairs. I am just glad I have someone else helping me out (brother) because I can get so agitated yet I love my dad so much.
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2010guardian responded:
Hi,
As a caregiver taking care of my husband, I can certainly hear and feel the urgency in protecting your Dad. You are fortunate that you have a family member to help you take care of him. Are you living with your Dad? Has he been diagnosed? If so, which dementia and stage is he in?

I was the most frightened when my husband was getting up in the wee hours of the morning, getting dressed, and even once, that I know of, went outside to make sure the garage door was closed. All this happening while I was sound asleep. I arranged to have dead bolt locks installed and I hid the key at night. While I was learning from this web site, I came across Medic Alert, Safe Return. The web site is medicalert.org. There is a $10 discount this month. I sent all my husbands medical information, plus my two children's info so that they could be alerted if I was not available. I also joined for myself. My bracelet says I'm a caregiver of SR #.............. If I should be incompacitated for any reason, all the info is on my arm and my children will be alerted. This has given me so much peace of mind. My husbands bracelet says "My name is____...
and his SR #.

Another thing that I did to releave my stress was to get a baby monitor. I have one in the bath/bedroom and one in my dining room Now I don't have to keep walking back to the bedroom to see if he's okay, and he can only say my name and I'll hear him.

I do hope this will helps you. You have come to the right place for advice. Others at this site are very resourceful.

Kathy
 
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cjh1203 responded:
I'm very sorry about your father's dementia. As Kathy said, you're really fortunate to have another family member for support.

If your father has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, is he taking any medication for it? Have you spoken to his doctor about his outbursts? There are medications that may help with that, too. It's a fairly normal part of Alzheimer's -- and probably other dementias -- but it's very distressing, especially if it gets bad enough to make people afraid of him.

If he is unable to handle his affairs and unwilling to sign the necessary documents, an attorney can help you. It would be good to find one who specializes in elder law. It doesn't need to be horribly expensive, but definitely needs to be done.

If you haven't been to the Alzheimer's Organization site, please check it out. There is an enormous amount of information there. There's a section on financial and legal matters that you may find especially helpful right now. A local Alzheimer's support group can also make going through this a little easier.

As far as feeling agitated with your father, please don't feel guilty. You're in a terribly stressful situation and it's completely normal to feel frustrated sometimes. No matter how much you try to remember that the frustrations are caused by the disease and not willful stubbornness by your father, sometimes things just bubble over. It's one of the reasons a support group can make such a difference. Everyone loses patience now and then -- it's just part of our human nature.

You are being a kind and loving child, and your father is fortunate to have you to care for him when he needs you.

Best wishes-
Carol


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