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im on my way
fallingn2nabyss posted:
I am falling into an abyss that I fear I will never get out of. I don't feel normal, I cry all the time, I feel out of control and find I am at my best sitting in a room with a fan blowing on me with my movies. My neck and shoulder on the right side has hurt for so long that it has become a part of me. I feel like no one cares or wants me and I have no place in this world I am 52 and it seems like my daughter and the world around me has gone on without me. I have nothing and I am nothing. I need help but have no job and no insurance. Impending doom is right around the corner and I dont know how to stop it. I really feel like im sliding right off into crazy land. I have a constant wierd feeling in my head like Ive been smoking pot but I havent. I used to attend church regularly but now have terrible panic attacks when I go. I used to believe in God but not so much anymore. Do crazy folks go to heaven or is there a special place so we dong disturb the normals? I wish I could get some help but it seems non existent so for now ill let nature take its course, maybe the end will be quick but I doubt it for I feel there is much more suffering to be experienced.
Byroney_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear Fallingn2nabyss,

I am sorry you are going through this right now. Please seek out help from your community. There are free and low-cost options available. Check with your local mental health services or social services for resources. You deserve to feel better.

Here is a list of toll-free Crisis Resources that you can call 24 hours a day. Some can also be accessed online. However, I strongly urge you to seek out immediate help in your hometown.

In support,

Patricia Farrell, PhD responded:
I can hear how desperate and alone you must feel and I can certainly understand that, right now, there doesn't seem to be a ray of hope left for you. But I don't agree.

I know you said that you have no insurance and no job, but there must be some community services that would be available to you and I would urge you to take advantage of them. The first thing you need to do is make a phone call. Many centers have hotlines or emergency outreach workers and someone will be there to help you through this.

I think before anything else, you need a medical exam and, if you can, please see if there is a clinic in your area that can also provide this. Many times there are medical problems which will present as anxiety and depression and which can blind you to reality and leave you feeling helpless and hopeless. This is the nature of some of these illnesses. It does not mean that you are worth nothing or that there is nothing left in life for you. Depression, in fact, is in my mind one of the most destructive disorders there is in terms of your feelings of self-esteem and your ability to see the opportunities in life which are there for you. It holds you a prisoner and until it is recognized, it continues to hang on.

You said you have a daughter and you used to attend church and that makes me believe that there are people out there who care for you and who are willing to help. Certainly, your daughter must be willing to help her mother and fellow church members may also be there for you. Feeling as you do currently, I know that you are probably saying this is not so. When you feel this way, remember that it is of the depression that is speaking for you and which is not permitting you to get the help you need and deserve.

Please make the call to a local hotline or community mental health center as well as to some social service organization which can provide a medical exam for you. If you have to, ask your daughter or someone else to take you to the local ER where you will get some immediate help, that's fine. Everyone deserves to be loved and to be helped when they need it. You do, too.

I know you may not feel like doing any of these things, but I would strongly urge you to fight the inclination not to act because I know the result will be well worth your while.
taytorbug responded:
Lord knows I have enough troubles of my own that it may seem laughable that I am trying to help you with yours. Just let me say that I truly understand how you are feeling. My children, who kept me going day to day are all grown. My husband works out of town and is only home on weekends so I have been in a position of not feeling needed or feeling like I no longer have a place in this world. Although I do get lost along the way, I have made a vow to take back charge of my life. I do not want to continue with the cycle of living each day as though there is nothing left to look forward to. If church is something you use to look forward to then maybe you could talk to your clergyman about what is going on with you and see if he would be willing to visit with you at home for a while until you can get back on your feet? My biggest mistake was thinking that I should be able to handle anything. Believe me I have found out different in the last couple of years. I have also discovered that it took me some time to get into this situation that I am in, and it will take time to get out. Please, find someone you trust and talk with them. Talk with your doctor. All is not lost even though it may seem that way. I wish you much luck in your journey.

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