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Daughter in Law impossible
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sunflower1943 posted:
Help please - I have a DIL who is an extremely difficult person - she is impossible and no one likes her including her husband, my son.

They did have a child and know my son is staying with her now only for that. The problem is she makes up lies about me and tells her husband and then my son calls me and gets mad at what he heard - he knows how nutty his wife is but then when I explained what really happened he said I am sorry.

One example - my grandson lives down the street and is 2 years old - I saw him on Sunday on his bicycle and invited him to come with his mom - as usual he is inquisitive and came in house and went in yard and played etc - my husband was out getting us sandwiches and when he came home with our lunch I offered if they wanted any sandwich and they said no. Since it was Father's day we then had an angel food cake that I made - and my husband wanted a piece before he left so I did ask DIL if she wanted a piece and she said no and then asked if her son, my grandson, wanted a piece and she said ok - everything went ok.

Two hours later my son calls and reads me the riot act - telling me her wife said that I enticed him to come down to eat cake which they don't want him eating junk food and then said
that I gave him THREE pieces which is untrue - I gave him an inch wide piece and cut it up in several pieces and put a little ready-whip on it with strawberries that I cut out. After my son calmed down he said he was sorry.

This is what I am up against ALL THE TIME - she lies or makes trouble - what do I do - right now my son is in harvest and very stressed so he asked me not to say or talk about this to her. Everyone is afraid of her but she continually gets by with all of this -

What shall I do????? I need some advice. I would like to go and tell her face to face to quit lying about me to her husband. I think she is jealous of me because I have a wonderful relationship with my son.

Please help me - what do you suggest. THANK YOU
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thelexur responded:
I suggest that you confront her in a civil way. Tell her that you won't stand for that behavior and it needs to change because it won't be tolerated anymore. Many people stop acting a certain way after they see people will start standing up to them. Good luck.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Sunflower,

While you're waiting for responses here, try also posting on our Relationships community ; I'm sure you'll get a lot of feedback there.
We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace. ~Peggy Tabor Millin
 
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Patricia Farrell, PhD responded:
The relationship between mothers-in-law and their daughters-in -law, as you know can be sometimes very difficult, especially if there is any feeling of jealousy. I don't know if this is the case with your family, but it seems that there is an ongoing problem and you and your son are having a difficult time of it.

As you said, it is harvest time and your son is very stressed and, I'm sure, working very hard so this is doubly difficult for him. Of course, the best thing to do would be for everyone to sit down and try to iron out these difficulties, but that's not always possible because not everyone will agree to this. If you go and face her and tell her how you feel, you may just be seen as a difficult mother-in-law, not someone who is trying to get things settled and straightened out. We don't know why this woman is doing this, but it is creating increasing tension in your family and especially between you and your son.

You may have to wait until your son has more time to come to talk with you, heart to heart and face to face. Perhaps then the two of you can come to some understanding about what might be done in the future. We don't know what type of life he has with his wife and he has to make some decisions, too. As you describe it, there is a split that is beginning to be created within your family and this is really a shame. Loving, supportive families are one of the best environments in which to raise children and I can understand that your grandson is already experiencing some difficulty. If for no one else's sake but his, things have to change.

I hope things do change for the better very soon.


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