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    In need of some adive...
    arabianprincess0708 posted:
    I have a problem...I am wanting to help my boyfriend who means the world to me. He is an inactive Marine who has done two tours oversees. He suffers now from minor PTSD. He can function at work and even has a social life with his friends. In fact, most of his friends don't even know that there is a problem with him. However, being the one closest to him and the one he confides in, I know that there are slight changes in his mood and disturbances in his sleeping patterns.
    There are times when he seems to zone out completely and I wonder what he is seeing in his head that seems to take him away from reality. In addition, I know, even though he will not tell me when it happens, that he wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares. Sometimes they don't even wake him up, his breathing changes to ragged short breaths and his heart rate increases against my head while I am lying on his chest. In addition, he clutches on to me as if his life depends on it. I can't stand not being able to help him over come whatever it is that haunts him.
    I have suggested therapy, but he won't go for that. Honestly, I cannot say that I blame him. To everyone else he is a normally functioning young man but to me I know better, his thoughts are haunted by this war and I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice on how to help the man I love during his time of need.
    Patricia Farrell, PhD responded:
    My first suggestion is that you begin to look at what the NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health) has on their website about PTSD and then also look at the veterans' groups dedicated to PTSD online. I think you will find not only support, but people who can provide some direction to you.

    Since he doesn't want therepy, I think this is the way you can find out what you can do to help. I know that loving and understanding him will be very helpful.
    arabianprincess0708 replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
    Thank you very much for the advice i greatly appriciate it! I am hoping that I can help him have a better life and better sleep. I cannot stand not being able to help him and if thre is anything on those sites that help me find ways to help him then I wil consider myself successful. He knows i care about him but i dont think he realizes how much i truly want to help him he has never had anyone want to help him before and that i completely understand. I am again very greatful for your advice and i truly hope i can help ease his hidden pain.
    MissCaptainKirk responded:
    I think it's so admirable to care so much for the one you love and try to help him. He may not want therapy bcuz he is a man and men have a hard time doing that kind of thing, they always want to just fix it on their own.
    I will be keeping both of you in my thoughts and I hope he is able to find some help!
    arabianprincess0708 replied to MissCaptainKirk's response:
    You have nailed him dead on he wants to fix it himself or just deal with it and i admire that about him but i cannot, rather, i refuse to just sit by and let him suffer. i hate seeing him in pain and i know what its like to deal with something that others do not understand i have manic depression and deal with a lot of bodily pain and since i am only 22 drs think that my pain is all in my head i finally found a dr and a chiropractor willing to help me with my pain and have found the source of it and am now trying to fix it...apparently my c-spine is curving the wrong way and it is causing mass pain and sweeling throught my body. he deals with my mood swings and trys to help me with my pain so why wouldnt i help him with his? it would be very insenstive of me to not help him, you know? thanks for the kindness and for us being in your thoughts i greatly appriciate it!
    Patricia Farrell, PhD replied to arabianprincess0708's response:
    He is truly fortunate to have you in his life and I know he will come to appreciate you even more because you care so much. I hope that the two of you do find ways to help him and that his life continues to improve.
    arabianprincess0708 replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
    thank you very much for that I havent told him yet that i have asked for advice on how to help him after i research the websites you suggested earlier i will share with him my intentions. Unfortunatly had i told him my intentions he would have told me that i dont need to do that and "not to worry because ill be fine ill deal its no big deal" he says that all the time or "baby dont worry your pretty little head about a mess like me" but i love him too much to watch him suffer. so i disregard his pleas for me to remain ignorant to his delema. i hope i am not wrong for waiting until i do some more research before i talk to him. am i?
    Patricia Farrell, PhD replied to arabianprincess0708's response:
    He is fortunate to have you care so much for him and, hopefully, in time he will come to realize that he does have someone he can depend on and who will stand by him through his difficulties.
    arabianprincess0708 replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
    thank you very much

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