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Dealing with very difficult daughter-in-law
Anon_11642 posted:
I have a DIL from "hell" - sorry for the word but she is impossible - they live down the street. My son is just staying married to her because of a child they had together - he is 2.5 years - sad deal.

Am always having confrontations that are ugly. Yesterday I had made a peach pie and brought 2 pieces over to her - my son wasn't home yet. It was so so hot and humid I rang the bell and waited at least a few minutes - I could tell she was home as my grandson saw me and got excited and is so sweet - well, I turned the knob and went in but stayed right at the doorway as I was so very hot and it was cooler inside.

She chewed me out for barging in the house saying she does not like me to come in without being invited by her etc - rolling her eyeballs in disgust. I said nothing as I'm afraid if I tell her off I won't see my grandson. Then, looking at the pie she says I don't eat pies.

I left and was upset - I said nothing - talked to my son and he says there is nothing he can do about it - she is what she is but suggested I go to their home when he is home to avoid this which I will do.

This is not the first confrontation - I really do not say mean things to her or do ugly things - she is just impossible -

How do I cope - what do I do - no one really tells her off - they are all afraid of her.

I would like to tell her to jump in the lake - or something but I am so conditioned to say nothing because of our adorable grandson but frankly I am tired of this verbal abuse.

What can you suggest - I will check this board tomorrow and hope someone out there can give me some good advice in how to deal with very difficult people.

I love my grandson but I cannot stand his mother - she is a "psycho" for sure and my son agrees but chooses to stay with her now for the sake of their child - he said he would have left her a long time ago if there were no child involved.

Please help me - I am wits end. Thank you.
Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi and welcome to WebMD,

While you're waiting for responses here, try also posting on our Relationships and Coping community .
We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace. ~Peggy Tabor Millin
Patricia Farrell, PhD responded:
It is always difficult when a young child is involved in family problems such as you have described with your daughter-in-law. Obviously, your son has some issues too and I would think there would be a need for marital therapy, if she would agree. As a matter of fact, I would think that family therapy would be a very good idea, but that would have to be worked into gradually since it doesn't appear to be something that would be welcomed.

I can understand how you must feel and how wanting to see your grandson has hampered your wish to have an open and honest discussion with this young woman. Being an adult, you know you cannot always say what you would like to say and that sometimes you can say nothing. As I said, it is an extremely difficult situation and one that will not be immediately resolved.

I see that you have been directed to the board that we have for family relationships and I hope that you have posted there, too. Unfortunately, the situation is not something that can be handled on the board and really calls for active participation, in person, for all involved.
sunflower1943 replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
Thank you Dr. Farrell - you are so sweet - I did post on the relationship and coping board and frankly very sorry I did - I had many responses and most all of them are making me out like I'm the trouble making mother-in-law - I am not okay. I do not interfere in any of their affairs.

Believe me I don't - I will just go on and focus my attention on my interests and leave that problem there - I don't make trouble but frankly I am sorry I posted on that board.

Again, your response was most welcome and I thank you for it - many thanks again.

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