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    Doxielover10 posted:
    I'm an atrocious rapid cycling bipolar, fortunately, my shrink is famous, he lectures all over the world and he said I'm number 1 or2 worst bipolars he's ever seen, I have AdHD, I have a very severe anxiety disorder and now I just found out on Friday I have to have bladder surgery FOR THE SECOND TIME.

    Can it get any worse ? If you ask me, the anxiety disorder is the worst, I shake so badly I cannot do anything, I can't even hold a fork. My speech becomes severely distorted, my Doctor told me on Friday I had a very, very severe breakdown. He observed it himself so I did not try to speak. Both of my docs have been with me for 17 years and they speak to each other. My Internist wanted nothing to do with my raging bipolar issues. When they both worked together to save my life when I arrived DOA at the ER with total renal failure it's great to have docs also be your friends. I'm working VERY HARD on my severe anxiety because I feel it engaged with the bipolar issues of just out of control rage. I will always be that A personality, curious beyond belief, ahead of everyone my age, I WAS ALWAYS BULLIED. I just don't care anymore LOL. It also might have something to do with me chasing them on my horse and smearing them with manure LOL

    I'm still struggling with what happened with my Dad, why did they give me those pictures, it's like my brain has been branded with those images and of course I have to control the anxiety.

    HAPPY NEW YEAR !!! Let us pray that 2012 is a good year because 2011 was by far the worst year of my life, what an absolute nightmare.

    If I kept up my Mom's Irish Catholic rules, I often think her head is going to blow off, except for the nuns at school, she is the most repressed person I have ever met.

    Patricia Farrell, PhD responded:
    From your description, you have a highly experienced psychiatrist working with you but there are still issues. I'm not an M.D., but I'm wondering if you are taking lithium for your bipolar disorder and this might be causing your kidney problems. Have you asked your physicians about this?

    Also, I'm sure your psychiatrist has indicated that bipolar disorder often brings with it anxiety and there should be some portion of your treatment plan which is addressing this. You didn't indicate whether or not you are in therapy and I'm wondering if that is something that has been considered.

    I know you must be concerned about the surgery, as anyone would be. No one goes waltzing into surgery, so your anxiety is certainly understandable.

    It sounds like things have been rough for you and I do hope that this year brings you more peace and calm in your life and that the surgery goes extremely well.

    Dr. Farrell
    Doxielover10 replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
    Hi Dr. Farrell,

    My Psychiatrist has a 5 year wait list, however we met when he was setting up his practice here instead of not only are we Doctor/Patient we are also friends, as I've said before I'm a triple A personality and I do not like being told what to do. I told him everything about my personality. After you've lived in NYC, worked on Wall St you tend to give people the finger most of the time. I also have said in various posts that I was 1 or 2 the worst bipolar he had ever worked with.He also knows EXACTLY how to work with me. When I had the breakdown, they thought it was PTSD or such extreme anxiety I was literally falling apart.

    I was ordered not to go out alone

    I was ordered not to swim

    and of course no driving. I had just, just gotten the sports car of my dreams. My keys were on the couch and he took them so I could just relax. I kept falling, I broke my elbow, wrist ankle, all right side ribs and my face was destroyed so, my husband took a leave of absence just to be here for me.

    Lithium destroyed my thyroid and caused my kidney failure, I went for my levels the week before and they were 1.0 when I got to the ER they were 9 and to this day NO ONE HAS ANY IDEA WHAT HAPPENED, i STILL ONLY HAVE 30% KIDNEY FUNCTION.

    Yes, I was in therapy until September when my therapist moved and there are no others here. However, I was in therapy for years, so I use the info I learned from that to help myself and I read everything, which is also helpful.

    2011 was the worst year of my life, LET US HOPE FOR A GOOD ONE THIS TIME AROUND.


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