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HOW DOES MY ANXIETY MAKE ME FEEL ?
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doxielover10 posted:
A few months ago I was diagnosed with anxiety so severe i broke out in quarter size bloody sores, I still have some. I came out of the hospital shaking so badly I could not walk, I could not eat because I could not hold spoons, pens or anything that requires manual dexterity. I went 4 or 5 days with no sleep while taking every medicine on the market. I fell so many times, I broke my wrist, my elbow and my ankle and all the ribs on my right side. One side of my face was black for weeks.

My Mom says I was very nervous as a child, yet from age 5, I rode in jumping competitions all over the world jumping 5 foot fences with no anxiety. At 15 I had a bleeding duodenal ulcer.which the doctor ignored.

Even though I 'm a MAJOR, MAJOR type A personality I never thought I was really anxious. I had a fabulous job, 167 IQ which allowed me to do what I love BOOKS< ALL BOOKS.

Almost all is gone now and I'm on disability.

Allison
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Patricia Farrell, PhD responded:
It sounds like you have been through an awful lot and your life has changed quite dramatically. What I don't understand is how the hospital discharged you in such a weakened state that you fell and had so many injuries in addition to not being able to properly feed yourself. I hope that they have provided you with a treatment plan that will include medication, if necessary, and cognitive therapy.


I am not an M.D., but I'm wondering what happened regarding the bleeding ulcer that you had. Was that properly attended to?


I know that things must seem quite dismal right now, but the thing to do is to work with whoever has been assigned to your care so that you can build up your strength and begin to enjoy the things that you once did, like reading and learning.


I wish you well and I do hope that this new year brings some joy and, certainly, improved health for you.
 
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doxielover10 replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
As I have mentioned in various posts, my husband and I both had Executive positions with the medical company Becton Dickinson or BD as many people call it. When you work at BD we don't have a training program in a class, we have to go and personally watch our products being used, even the OR. My husband received an offer for a very large promotion, since we both traveled so much we never saw each other. We decided to go for it.

I liked the idea of living in Florida, we first went to Miami, I loved it, my husband HATED IT. We ended up living in a beautiful little town, went from the 6000 sq. ft home to a 1500 sq ft 1920's cottage. We have a pool, which I really enjoy but I have absolutely no friends. I adore my husband but I am not happy. He makes all kinds of promises on getting our house finished but never follows through. I feel that living in such an awful environment is what has caused me to emotionally just let myself go.

I grew up in a very prosperous family, with absolutely everything I ever wanted. If my parents ever saw this place, they would die. He also has taken my car to work because he totaled his, so I'm stuck here 24/7. More and more often I think about a seperation. I own the house outright, also my car.

You asked me about the Hospital here:

I was in the ER with a raging UTI and a guy came in to take blood, all of a sudden I saw a huge spurt of blood hit the ceiling,all over me, all over the bed. I looked over and there was a hypodermic in my arm. I said, where are the vacutainers ? He had no idea what I was talking about.

They refused to let me take my psych meds by myself, I take a lot of drugs, most of which their pharmacy did not have. I was so manic I yanked the BP cuff off and threw it.

4 nurses could not insert the IV, so I did it.

I had surgery for a rare condition called apendigitis, where a piece of the intestine breaks off and starts to strangle the colon. The nurses refused to clean me or give me things to do it myself. I fell when I got up because they would not help me.

I had to go to the ER for food poisoning, the doctor never looked at me, touched me. She strolled to the entrance of the room and said I had food poisoning but she was too busy to help me and walked away. I looked at the paper and WAS ECSTATIC TO SEE MY KIDNEY FUNCTION WAS AT 70%, IT
HAD NEVER GONE ABOVE 30% SINCE THE RENAL FAILURE FROM THE LITHIUM. I had an appointment with my Internist the next day, I handed him the paper and said LOOK.
He just threw his head back and said, these are not your results, unless you grew a prostate.

Needless to say I will be going to MD Anderson from now on.

I see you are from NJ, My parents live in Franklin Lakes.
 
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Patricia Farrell, PhD replied to doxielover10's response:
Certainly sounds like there have been many medical and personal problems here and I can understand what this must be like for you.

I know, from your description of where you worked, you are highly conversant with the medical field and the care which you received would be upsetting to anyone, but especially to someone with your knowledge. It sounds like you've made a wise decision in your choice of where you will go in the future.

Regarding your home and the condition of it as well as your lack of a car, these are things which I believe must be dealt with in marital counseling. Your husband may want to do the things that you are requesting, but there may be things which are preventing him and that needs to be discussed and handled in a neutral setting.

Yes, I know the area where you lived and I know that it is as you describe.

I hope things do improve for you very soon and that you do begin to get some of the things accomplished which will make your life much more pleasant in your new home.
 
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doxielover10 replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
You know, I was sitting thinking the other day how I want the rest of my life to be. It is definitely not as it is now. My Psychiatrist told me on many occasions that I am the strongest woman he ever met. He did not believe anyone could withstand what I have gone through. That is why I have been so open on this forum, to warn people to take their meds. There has never been a day I missed.

My husband is a different person than the man I married, I guess living with a maniac will do that. Again, he controls all the money we have and he refuses to give me money. All the money is mine, from and insurance my father had, money my Mother gave me, my disability.

he is constantly looking over my shoulder if I'm on the computer, speaking on the phone, I just do not understand it, I have never looked at another man since we met.

Anyway, today we go do all the results from my bladder tests.
 
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Patricia Farrell, PhD replied to doxielover10's response:
For your own peace of mind, you may want to begin some therapy with a psychologist. It may help.
 
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doxielover10 replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
The only hospital here is called THE BLACK HOLE OF CALCUTTA. I'm not kidding, I could write a book. I had to have surgery so an IV had to be inserted. 4 nurses could not put in the IV so since it had been my product at BD, I put in my own IV. It just gets worse.

Allison


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