I feel incredibly alone and very distant when panic strikes. I find myself thinking negatively/pessimistically/fatally - only to a certain extent. I feel a need to move and flee from the environment I'm in at the time.
My most embarassing occurrance was on a very crowded airplane which ultimately resulted with me being allowed to "deplane" which included the Captain directing that my luggage also be off-loaded...I so completely held up the departure time of the flight.
My travelling companion had an absolute fit and told me to get my sh_t together and take my medicine and how dare I do this to her. To her? I thought what about me? I'm the one having the combined feeling of total dread and restlessness and inability to slow my thoughts and focus, combined with the knowledge and awareness of how I affected others and the embarassment and humiliation I caused her and myself. I was made to feel guilty. That ignorance has since been rectified between us, but for a period of time she considered me to be crazy - or, conversly - acting like a baby. It was something I needed to "snap out" of, like it could be so regulated. I continue to have the unpredicability of the onset of a panic attack and the resultant feelings of anxiousnes, restlessness, and immediate need to get someplace else. Usually that's outdoors. People need to know that panic and anxiety is not imaginary and that it's vividly real and my ability to combat it must be physically immediate when it's severe enough that I can't mentally get to a "happy place" and refocus..And the physical affects of feeling like crying, having a lump in my throat, racing heartbeat, sweating, shaking, stuttering, and being slow to respond to questioning takes a while to "decompress" from. I think I'd just like acknowledgement and reassurance in the form of a "I'm here if you need me" kind of statement. Ridicule sure doesn't work.