Anxiety & Panic Community

Hi,

Long story short, about 9 months ago I had a strange episode that felt like a seizure, it was ruled out, but it caused massive anxiety, health anxiety, etc...I was ill for months, and no one could figure it out. Then while resting on my couch I had a full blown panic attack, nothing like I ever experieced before, I thought I was going to die. But, after a short while it stopped and I calmed down. But, it caused massive adrenaline rushes which gave me 100% insomnia (0 hours sleep) for four days straight. Then my doc put me on Xanax. That's another story all together, anyway it helped for about a week, then my anxiety and isomnia came back and I could hardly function at work, and started having all sorts of side-effects, from feeling faint, light headed, swallowing difficulties, loss weight, etc...I thought I could die at any time. I continued to seek doctors, had many tests, eventually had two MRI's but nothing turned up. I ended up trying two SSRI's which I had bad reactions to, whether it was a bad side-effects or just my symptoms compounded by the start- up side effects, in any case I went off them. (The long story short is getting longer ) anyway, after going off the first SSRI after being on it for two weeks and trying the next one for one week, I started getting massive anxiety/panic/feelings of hopelessness/fear/panic/feelings of checking out/ yet I didn't want to check out. It was very scary, and I couldn't shake these feelings/thoughts. Then I tried St. John's Wort but went off after two weeks because I was going to see a Pdoc who might want to put me on another med. (No the best idea to go on and off things like this) so two days off SJW all the bad anxiety thoughts/feelings came back but even worse this time. I had some ativan, and one day I took one, to see how I'd feel. After an hour or so, my anxiety was lifted and so were all those awful thoughts/feelings. I couldn't understand why. Was I not depressed, do I just have anxiety? Months later, still no resolve, I tried another SSRI but didn't like how it made me feel, so I went off after 4 weeks. I think it helped a little with anxiety but it numbed my emotions. As I went off I started another which is supposed to help you sleep. It did, and my mood improved. Anxiety was under control but probably because i still had the other med in me at the time. I started getting better but after 8 days I had a relapse and the anxiety and awful feelings came back. I tried some natural things, started to feel better for 1.5 days then had another relapse. I decided to go back to the last med I was on, and stick it out this time. I will feel pretty good for parts of the day, then others I will sink into this funk, and have feelings of pending doom/hopelessness/checking out. I tried another ativan, and I would start feeling better again. After talking to people, and doing some research. I think this entire time I had anxiety but also a panic disorder. That my constant awful feeling were the result of or the byproduct of panic, (worrying about things), but without the physical panic symptoms. Until recently I started having panic attacks, and had horrible feelings when they occured. I was able to shake them off, but it was uncomfortable. I realized this entire time I've been dealing with panic symptoms, these awful feelings of pending doom and checking out were panic related, and when I took a ativan, it calmed every thing down. I'm not going crazy, or have severe depression, it was more anxiety and panic that was triggering these thoughts and feelings which also made me a bit depressed. So, now I hope this SSRI will tone things down, and I can start healing. I have ativan as backup in case I go into one of these funks again, and just knowing it's panic related and there's something I can do about it is reassuring. Also getting enough sleep is very important!!!