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An_244293 posted:
My emotions seem to be all over the place. I had been doing relatively well, even dating a little which is a huge step for me after such a heartbreaking divorce, but my ex started contacting me and laying a guilt trip on me for dating and over all just playing this horrible mind game of hate, blame, and guilt. No matter how strong I try to be and guarded somehow it gets through. I go through total panic where the world seems so distant and surreal, just breathing is an effort. Unable to sleep and then can't seem to stay awake or find the energy. Crying uncontrollably and often. Lack of interest in everything...etc, etc. These symptoms I know are depression and anxiety and something I've been dealing with since I found out he was having an affair.
What is puzzling me is the intense rage that I am feeling? It's as if I'm tapping into the anger and hate to compensate for the pain and conditions of my life? This hate is aimed at both myself and at him as well as his fiance. Is this a symptom of depression as well?
Accompanying this anger are intense suicidal thoughts and the desire for self harming. Again because I get mad at myself for caring. Also because I'm just tired, tired of hurting, being angry, caring, trying.
I feel like such a fake, everyone thinks I'm so nice and doing so good and am so happy and yet in my mind I'm cursing up a storm at my ex and myself and plotting my death. Again, is this all part of depression or do I have some other issues to contend with?
I am a strong, conciencious person striving to keep others from worrying, close relatives and even my children from seeing me fall apart again. I don't want to lose my kids, make people upset, or hurt anyone (save maybe my ex) but I get scared. I worry that eventually I'll fall off the edge and not return. What is wrong with me? Have these problems always been there and that's why he left? So many question, so much pain, so much hurt....
3 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:ConfusedMy emotions seem to be all over the place. I had been doing relatively well, even dating a little which is a huge step for me after such a heartbreaking divorce, but my ex started contacting me and laying a guilt trip on me for dating and over all just playing this horrible mind game of hate, blame, and guilt. No matter how strong I try to be and guarded somehow it gets through. I go through total panic where the world seems so distant and surreal, just breathing is an effort. Unable to sleep and then can't seem to stay awake or find the energy. Crying uncontrollably and often. Lack of interest in everything...etc, etc. These symptoms I know are depression and anxiety and something I've been dealing with since I found out he was having an affair.<br />What is puzzling me is the intense rage that I am feeling? It's as if I'm tapping into the anger and hate to compensate for the pain and conditions of my life? This hate is aimed at both myself and at him as well as his fiance. Is this a symptom of depression as well?<br />Accompanying this anger are intense suicidal thoughts and the desire for self harming. Again because I get mad at myself for caring. Also because I'm just tired, tired of hurting, being angry, caring, trying. <br />I feel like such a fake, everyone thinks I'm so nice and doing so good and am so happy and yet in my mind I'm cursing up a storm at my ex and myself and plotting my death. Again, is this all part of depression or do I have some other issues to contend with? <br />I am a strong, conciencious person striving to keep others from worrying, close relatives and even my children from seeing me fall apart again. I don't want to lose my kids, make people upset, or hurt anyone (save maybe my ex) but I get scared. I worry that eventually I'll fall off the edge and not return. What is wrong with me? Have these problems always been there and that's why he left? So many question, so much pain, so much hurt....
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Patricia Farrell, PhD responded:
Your comments about self-harm are of great concern to me and should be to you also. I believe that it is in your best interests to seek professional help at this point and I would suggest you find a cognitive psychologist with whom you can work.#next_pages_container { width: 5px; hight: 5px; position: absolute; top: -100px; left: -100px; z-index: 2147483647 !important; }

Divorce is never easy because it is "the death of a marriage" and when someone continues to poke at this terrible wound the result can be depression. It may be helpful for you to be in a support group for divorced women. If you do decide to see a psychologist, they may refers you to such a group. I believe these groups can be extremely helpful because you will see that many of the women have gone through what you are experiencing right now. They can tell you what they have done to cope.

As I said, please seek professional help because no one should feel that they are at the point that they may hurt themselves.

Dr. Farrell
Report This| Share this:ConfusedYour comments about self-harm are of great concern to me and should be to you also. I believe that it is in your best interests to seek professional help at this point and I would suggest you find a cognitive psychologist with whom you can work.#next_pages_container { width: 5px; hight: 5px; position: absolute; top: -100px; left: -100px; z-index: 2147483647 !important; } <br /><br />Divorce is never easy because it is "the death of a marriage" and when someone continues to poke at this terrible wound the result can be depression. It may be helpful for you to be in a support group for divorced women. If you do decide to see a psychologist, they may refers you to such a group. I believe these groups can be extremely helpful because you will see that many of the women have gone through what you are experiencing right now. They can tell you what they have done to cope.<br /><br />As I said, please seek professional help because no one should feel that they are at the point that they may hurt themselves.<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.drfarrell.net">Dr. Farrell</a>
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An_244293 replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
Thank you. When I am elligible for health insc. I may very well look into finding some proffessional help as I have exhausted my inner resources. I am simply in a constant battle for my sanity, strength, soul, and health.
Report This| Share this:ConfusedThank you. When I am elligible for health insc. I may very well look into finding some proffessional help as I have exhausted my inner resources. I am simply in a constant battle for my sanity, strength, soul, and health.
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Patricia Farrell, PhD replied to An_244293's response:
I understand and I do hope you find a psychologist who can work with you. Please remember to look at my website's Therapy page for information on what you need to know. The link is below where my name appears.#next_pages_container { width: 5px; hight: 5px; position: absolute; top: -100px; left: -100px; z-index: 2147483647 !important; }

Dr. Farrell
Report This| Share this:ConfusedI understand and I do hope you find a psychologist who can work with you. Please remember to look at my website's Therapy page for information on what you need to know. The link is below where my name appears.#next_pages_container { width: 5px; hight: 5px; position: absolute; top: -100px; left: -100px; z-index: 2147483647 !important; } <br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.drfarrell.net">Dr. Farrell</a>
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