Anxiety & Panic Community

I am a healthy 40 year old male with a beautiful wife and 3 children. I take a great amount of pride in being a loving father, a husband, and being a provider for my family. I am a former Marine and I try to take care of myself by weightlifting and calastetics 4 days a week. For about 5 years now, maybe longer, I have suffered from nervousness and social anxiety and awkwardness. It has taken over every aspect of my life every minute of every day. Even with my own family and friends, the people for whom I should feel most comfortable being around, I still have this fear of the way people look at me when I talk, the way I walk. This becomes more evident in situations where there are large amounts of people. For most of my life, I have been very confident and outgoing and popular and happy!!! I am not depressed, I have a lot going for me and life is good, but this stress and anxiety has taken over my life, my emotions, my relationships, my happiness. About 3 years ago, I was suffering with some pretty bad back pain and after having an MRI, I learned that I had degenerative discs and a bulging disc in my lower back. After going to a pain management doctor, I started receiving cortisone shots and pain medication. I don't know why and how, but the pain medication not only helped my back, but it helped my anxiety and personality disorder. I felt relaxed and I felt like my old self! My confidence was back and it calmed my nerves. Now, it's been over a year and a half since I have been back to see my doctor as well as take any pain medication due to the fact that I don't have health insurance thru my current employer as well as the fact that I have never been one for drugs and I have a fear of becoming to dependant to the pain killers. I can deal with the physical pain in my body, but I can't deal with the mental and emotional strain that whatever is wrong with me is taking on me and the people in my life.