Anxiety & Panic Community

If you are uncomfortable talking to your therapist after 2 years, that needs to be brought out and discussed. It would seem that you need a plan that will enable you to gradually become comfortable talking to people and you might want to consider reading my book, "How to Be Your Own Therapist" because it has chapters devoted to helping you begin to change your attitude. It's not a substitution for therapy, if needed, but it can serve as a useful adjunct.

I will consider reading your book, if not its entirety the right passages for the right moment. I guess the biggest issue is how do you have those difficult conversations with your therapist, your psychiatrist and in your support groups. I often don't want to hurt other people's feelings or to seem disrespectful, and I don't like conflict.

Speaking from experience, it seems we would all be better off without so many "therapists" and phoney, self-fulfilling prophecy individuals like Social Workers, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Church and Religious groups and the like, who all earn livings off of sucking people into thinking there is something wrong with them!
Just stop worrying about who you might offend, or what you think about, as long as you just leave any bizarre, crazy death type thoughts in your head and never act on them to yourself or to others! Just live your life and stop listening to all the nay-sayers in your life....all the ones who take pleasure in screwing with your head and telling you that you don't measure up. Especially when it comes to these types of individuals.....who think they walk on water.....but the fact is - that there are probably 10 times more messed up than you are! How do you think they became so enveloped in how the brain works (none of them really know - it's all theory) - it became a make-work project and some health and government agency got sucked into believing this hypothetic b.s. and they created a whole huge business on bizarre thought processes of who is normal, who is odd, who is intelligent, who is not, etc. Everyone in this world will not get away from their clutches without at least 6 labels of their clear abnormalness!
Please, just accept yourself for who you are, change what YOU want to change, take time to yourself to think and plan your goals, stop running around to the demands of the world and their sucking the life out of you with appointments and demands to purchase every new gadget that is created! Just do what makes you happy - even when and if it means isolating yourself from the many crazy people out there who can not wait to suck you into their realm, pull you away from your goals and dreams, so they can fulfill their own!
WALK AWAY. TELL THEM THEIR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED - that includes the neggling and intrusive falsely named "support systems" out there that want to control your life, your thoughts and feelings. They want to mold you into what they want you to be, not who you want to be!
Say Goodbye and mean it. Just like a bad relationship! You will find peace within yourself and begin to enjoy life much more than having to rehash every thought and considered action or choice with too many people who are not there for your own good.....but for theirs!

Does your therapist have an email? Sometimes it's easier to put your thoughts down on paper or email and let them read them so you don't have them focusing on you while you say the hard things. Maybe give him/her a hand written letter when you walk in for them to read first then discuss with you. You'll be surprised how well therapists handle situations of discomfort. You won't hurt them...they are there to help you. They need you to be as open with them as you can be so they know how to help and what areas you need them to direct you.

if your therapist is experienced, they are probably well aware of your conflict avoidance and that you're nervous and pattern of returning to safe isolation. That's your defense against emotional pain and they would have learnt about it when studying to become a counsellor. They are also taught to be non-judgmental, suspending their personal judgments in order to best serve their client. The therapy room is your one place in the world to just be. It's a safe, non-judgmental place for you to drop your defenses and explore your cognition. Of course it takes time to feel comfortable to do this and if after 2 years you still have resistance to this then have a think about what is really going on for you. I'm sure that your therapist is more aware of all of this than you are but as a good therapist, they can't force you to talk and will allow you the freedom to take your time. They don't want to scare you away by forcing you to confront things about yourself until you're not ready to. Maybe by venting on this page, you are ready to, but you don't have the confidence to voice this to your therapist? Remember, you're paying them to help you, the therapy is always led by you. Good luck finding your voice and your confidence. Once you start working with her re your nerves and work through that, I bet you won't be able to stop talking!