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I hate my life.... I barely wanna live anymore
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Anon_26275 posted:
I have had OCD for most of my life but never this severe. I do not have the finances to pay for treatment in medicine/therapy. I understand that you have to take the thoughts for whats worth (nothing in reality). I just cant get thru it by myself. The worst is intrusive thoughts! I obsess over the random things its not just one thing Example: I went to a corner store, and there was an Arab that worked there fighting with a man. After that I told myself i wont go to any stores with Arab Muslims. I am NOT racist, but my OCD has made me think this way. Another example is my coworker who has a very annoying laugh once ate a hamburger from Wendys, Now, I wont eat any hamburger from wendys ill get chicken items but no beef. Its stuff like that that drives me crazy. I move from one "ocd" to the next, I have my good days where I controll it but then its like when I am clearheaded I have a terrible feeling in me that feels as if something is wrong or in the back of my head I am thinking of stuff.

The worst OCD that I have is intrusive thoughts about my family. I have thoughts about my mom, sisters. They really drive me insane, i HATE myself so much because I dont want to feel this way at all. I just wanna be normal. Also, it makes me spend money. example:if i go to a fast food place and the employee is rude or something is wrong with meal, I will go back to the place to receive the correct service. Its so ridiculous that my sister ex boyfriend took me to work one day and I dont take that way i go the long way to avoid traveling his route, I dont have a "if i dont this something bad will happen" OCD, its an intrusive thought that makes me do rituals to rid.

I guess what im asking is, can someone who has dealt with or is dealing with OCD please give me tips and ways to manage my intrusive thoughts? I am crying as I write this because I hate this. I know I have it for life I just wanna deal..... I have had suicidal thoughts but never really tried anything i dont think I know being in Heaven would be much better than this... please help me with tips that helped you.
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An_249800 responded:
Does your state have Medicaid or some other insurance plan that you could sign up for? Where I live, I have to pay a monthly amount for Medicaid that is based on my income. I don't have the best network of doctors, but it covers all of my medication. Medicine has been the only thing that has helped control my OCD. I have a lot of obsessive and worrisome thoughts that I can't control. I don't have rituals like you do, but my boyfriend does. He can't do certain things unless other things are in place. He has to tie his shoes in a certain order or else he has to start over again, etc. I understand where you're coming from. You're not crazy and your life is worth living. I too have had suicidal thoughts over the years because of this. Please get some help any way you can. I hope this has helped you somewhat.
 
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Patricia Farrell, PhD responded:
I know you said you don't have money for medication or therapy, but there is help and you can find it. One place is either a community mental health center, a local hospital (outpatients services) or self-help groups. Also, online there are national organizations that can provide direction to resources. Use your computer to begin helping yourself.

Do you work? Has the OCD interferred with that? These are all things to consider because you might also be eligible for benefits that would provide access to services.


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