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    Survivor of Domestic Violence/Abuse
    avatar
    Bobbie1717 posted:
    I have PTSD, Panic Attacks, Anxiety and Depression. I get very nervous when I have to be around certain people. I fear leaving my house and going to visit a friend or relative, and I belive that usually people are hurtful and not loving or friendly. I do not do well with insults, and being told what to do, I am an adult 57 years of age, and I feel that some of my family regard me as "nuts" and I think that is awful, my own son (he is married with three children) calls me "nuts, crazy, etc" and it hurts so much, I have had relatives including my son say stuff like "oh you were in the loony bin". I dont know how to handle these people. I love the Lord with all of my heart and when ppl are mean to me sometimes I cuss at them, then I feel horrible about myself because I am not pleasing to God. I was in a marriage many years ago for three and a half years, nothing but violence, my ex beat me the entire time of our marriage. It began one week into the marriage. He was using alcohol and any kind of pill he could get his hands on and smoking pot. My entire body is a mess, I have had 20 + surgeries in 32 years. My mind is always going. I am thankful to God that I am a Survivor of Domestic Abuse.
    Reply
     
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    Patricia Farrell, PhD responded:
    It's sometimes hard to understand how people can be so thoughtless and unloving as to not only call you names, but even, in their own minds, deny the fact that you suffered incredible abuse in your marriage. Not only did you suffer abuse, but as you said, you've had 20 surgeries in 32 years. How much more suffering are you expected to endure without them recognizing what has happened?

    Domestic violence cannot be condoned and should not be swept under the rug as a memory no one wants to admit to. Your family may have felt helpless, but they are still perpetuating the pain, in a psychological sense, that you endured. I don't know how you can help them to understand what they are doing and the damage that their actions cause. Normally, I would recommend family therapy, but I have a feeling they would not accept that. It seems much easier to just push it all off on you and not to deal with it.

    I would suggest that you find a local domestic violence survivors group and join it. I believe it will be one place where you will find not only acceptance, but understanding and help. The individuals in these groups understand full well what you have experienced.

    I hope that things do improve for you and that you do find a group you can join.
     
    avatar
    Bobbie1717 replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
    Thank you for responding. I am taking your advice and searching for a domestic violence survivors group to join.
    Again, thanks so much.
     
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    SicSemper replied to Bobbie1717's response:
    bet it s a bitch
     
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    SicSemper replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
    No I understand and more some.
     
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    ThomasJ197438 replied to Patricia Farrell, PhD's response:
    I understand what you went through with the domestic violence I am a man and went through it for about 6 years until I finally divorced her. The one thing I had to learn was forgiveness. that does not mean that I forgot what happened by no means. but I forgave her so that I could move on. As far as people and family calling you nuts I say let them. words only have power if you let them. Know one knows you better than you, so if you say that you are not nuts than you arent no matter what anyone says. Them type of people are not worth your stress. Once I realized that my stress level went way down.
     
    avatar
    Bobbie1717 replied to ThomasJ197438's response:
    PhD: Thank you for your response. I want to say that I am very sorry that you had to endure domestic violence. You seem to be doing well at this time. I am so glad that you made it out alive. I praise God for that.
    You have good advice. People on this site are very kind, for that I am thankful.
    Have a great summer.


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