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Anxiety over difficult daughter-in-law
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Anon_11642 posted:
Hi - am experiencing difficulties in a very difficult daughter-in-law. They live down the street from me and have one 4-year-old son.

I can't really talk to my son about her because then I put him in the middle - he almost got a divorce but decided to stay because of their child.

We had a mistake at our harvest dinner and we both brought food down - I was upset first but decided it will work out as my husband invited more people to eat with us. I am always reminded to keep the stress level down.

So, I tried and ate with the men and visited, etc - BUT DIL decided to be her usual self as she has always been in the 10 years they have been married - she went into the office by herself and pouted and played with her cell phone. I know this is childish behavior.

Since then I cannot see my grandson who I adore - although I went over to see him yesterday and the other day when just my son was home. I had an invitation from a friend of mine to go to park as she had her only granddaughter here and they are both same age - my son said he would try and see if he could work that out but no he texted me sorry, but it wont work out this time.

Knowing my DIL she is at her best being evil. Now, I'm full of anxiety about never seeing my grandson very much - she loves trouble and loves all this drama. My husband said I'm worrying too much - my grandson and I are very close - we both love each other - the daycare he is at is across the street from me also so when he is out playing once I went over there to visit with him.

I am old and cannot handle all this stress. I see families all together on holidays like yesterday - here I have a son and family down the street - they stay in their house to watch fireworks and we stay in our house too - the stress and tension is awful.

Please tell me what I can do - my husband says I am worrying too much and let it play out and eventually I'll get to see my grandson. I was thinking about going down to the farm today if I know when both husband and son are there alone and just see if my son says anything.

I am very torn and very depressed - I told my husband I wish I were dead as I can't handle all this crap anymore.

Any advice - please say something to help me feel better. Thank you.
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AmandaRay210 responded:
I don't have an evil DIL, so I may not relate, but I have a MIL that I did not always get along with. When my husband and I got together, I felt like she was doing everything in her power to keep us apart. It really takes time and patience. You need to establish a functional relationship with your DIL no matter how evil she seems. The truth is, the better the relationship with her, the more you'll be able to see your grandson. Take an interest in her life without mentioning your son or grandson. It might surprise you. She may feel like you only want her there to see your grandson, therefore she is sort of "punishing" you by keeping him away. Take some time to get to know her no matter how painful it might be. You need to do this without your son and grandson around. It might take some time. If she is completely unwilling to spend alone time with you and is still being difficult, your son might need to step up. He has just as much right to take his son to visit you as she does. I would try repairing your relationship with your DIL first though. Hang in there
 
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sunflower1943 replied to AmandaRay210's response:
Thank you for your help - you have good suggestions but will only take the latter. I have tried for 10 years and you can't get along with her. I had invited her to come with me one night for dinner and on the way home just simple conversation like "I think story hour is over for June now for our grandson". She says no but I know it is true. I mention that pretty house over there and who lives there now - she says no - that person doesn't live there. (I am sure it is true) soooo I decided to be quiet and get her home asap. You can't be friendly with her - maybe that's why she has no friends.

Anyway, I will take your suggestion about talking to my son - that is the way to go but will wait just a bit longer as my husband today is going to tell him I no longer am going to bring meals down at harvest and maybe other things may come up in their discussion.

Anyway, I tried visiting, etc - you run into a snag - there is a reason why she has no friends - sad but true - I returned a pj bottom to them last night and thought I would see her heads on - my son took the pj bottom and grandson wanted to show me the tree they are going to cut down - didn't see her but she may have been hiding in the bedroom - not sure if she was home or not.

Anyway, I hate life sometimes like now - I want a peaceful, happy life.


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