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He destorys me to avoid accepting responsibility.
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An_253620 posted:
My husband shows signs of narcissism, depression, generalized anxiety disorder, jerk wod disorder, anger, extreme control at times, passive aggressive games, and bi-polar. he is dishonest. He has essentially ruined my life and hurt 200 family members and closest friends of mine (at are wedding). He essentially lied to me when we said our vows. I have brought up annulment and divorce and stated that the way he married me was completely and utterly wrong. My family and friends are saying, "You are gold. You don't deserve to be treated this way" yet they are standing by him and trying everything they can do to keep us together, while his family is making up excuses for him and blaming me for what complicated situations he has created. I'm just kinda ridin' with the waves, planning to leave when I can, but that's going to take time because there's so much to do. Separating our stuff, the house deed, setting up a different P.O. Box, etc. I was hoping that while he is watching me prepare to leave, he would start fixing his behaviors. But he's just getting worse. And he's got his family convinced that I'm abusive to him cause that's what he's saying to cover up why I said I was scared of him for two months and was sleeping in my car to get away from his anger outbursts and physical threats, and why he was sleeping in his car (instead of saying, "I got kicked out of the house for being a jerk). I have hit him in times that I was scared of him, so he is using that as leverage cause he's only hit me once, but he used to grab my arm, hold me down and scream at me, trap me in corners and not let me out, raise up his hand, square up his body at me, etc, etc, until I hit him a few times challenging him to hit me - then he stopped. Now I've got that mark against me. We separated and I went on a first date with my best friend. I told him I slept with him. Now I wonder if he is not doing anything to save our relationship because I was "unfaithful". I would like to know anyone's advice on if it's considered unfaithful if you are officially separated and at the time getting treating like sh it, cause I wish I would not have told him. For the sake of him at least trying to save us or if we don't work, for the sake of him realizing how he is to save himself from a better life. He is impossible to live with in so many ways and I have tried so hard. But each time he does something, he manages to turn it around onto me. It slowly made me mad, even though no one in my entire life has ever made me mad. He literally will destroy other people's lives before he will fix a fault of his own. In his mind, he can do no wrong. He sees not through rose colored glasses but worse! through an entire rose garden. When he apologizes, it's all words and promises. Never actions that back up those apologies. What is this? Is it narcissism? Are there any answers? I do care about him and I want to get down to the bottom of this but he lies to the counselors and psychologist and shrugs them off and refuses to do anything they say till they basically fire us cause they are sick of hearing the same thing and him not making an adjustment. He won't change and the thing is - these are all bad things. I don't' understand why he doesn't want to change them for himself. Any help is appreciated.
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momuv4girls responded:
Boy, if you re-read your post - what advice would you give yourself?

Personally, I would get the heck out - and fast !!

Your husband is not going to change, and you can not change him. What does his diagnosis matter ? He is who he is, regardless of diagnosis.

I would pack up all my belongings, and go to your Mom's house, or a friends house, a woman's shelter - anywhere.

You have probably wasted a few years on this guy........don't waste any more.

Hopefully no children are involved ?!!

Take care, and please muster the strength to get out, and get healthy yourself.
-Kathleen
 
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rohvannyn replied to momuv4girls's response:
Police and restraining order are needed here. I hate mentioning law enforcement but at this point you need force on your side. If this guy is this toxic, get as far away from him as you can, forget about love, and get over him asap while you still have any life left.


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