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anxiety, panic attacks and making me feel like dying!
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arkmom3 posted:
I have been strong all my life. Don't ask for help etc. I got injured in 07. Back surgeon cut my L5 nerve. I am disabled now! I still don't like to ask for help! Thing is I get panic attacks and anxiety really bad now! I have been diagnosed with ADHD combined type and anxiety disorder. I am 40 years old. I have had stomach problems my whole life. I don't handle stress good. I don't like to disappoint or look weak! Now if I have to be away from my husband, I freak out. I wasn't like that before I got injured! My husband's the type that wants me with him all the time anyways! Before accident it would drive me nuts at times! All I received paper work with a deadline to get back in two days. Bad weather I guess made it get to me a week late.
I freak out and think about dying! Small thinks like that make me want to die! That isn't right! Small problems shouldn't make you think about dying or cry none stop! I hate it! I have meds to take. I am bad at taking them. I just did! I will never hurt myself for the love of my family and God! I used to spend every night crying and wanting to disappear!
I act strong out in public. I don't even like to tell my family! Who wants to be a downer? Not me and showing weakness isn't something I am good at. I try non stop but its so hard! I wasn't raised to show weakness! I have felt so bad for so long! I fight with this so much! I had gone to counseling and no help. They said things about God to me. I know that! If it wasn't for God and my family, I wouldn't be here! I need help and I don't like pills! My dad is addiction personality and I don't want to be stuck on pills! I have them thank god but don't take them until I get really bad like now! I shouldn't like about dying if I get a little stress or my pride hurts because I show weakness not being able to move good or try to clean. I know others have it harder than me. I hate this and need some real help! I am scared! Scared all the time and I feel guilty because I am like this! Help please! I am a mom, grandma and wife. I always try!
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