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Last Reply:

Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs support

EJsMomma posted:

I am the single mom of an energetic 3 year old who was just diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. I love him beyond measure but I am struggling with this diagnosis. I am honestly devastated and in denial. I spend most of my days being mad at God, then mad at every mom who has a child without a disability, then mad at myself for my bad decisions that led to me being a single mom and finally mad at myself for not knowing how to deal with this. He is also struggling with potty training.

My son is verbal and very bright but lacks the ability to produce spontaneous conversation and doesn't fully understand what is being asked of him (slow processing). He is very emotionally engaging, affectionate, and playful. He doesn't mind being around other kids but he is not interested in playing cooperatively, sharing or communicating with them.

I keep searching for help on the internet but always find what I think are discouraging stories about 7 - 10 year old children who are not yet potty training and an abundance of behavioral issues. I know that these stories are true and that I need to face that fact that my child may have many of these issues... but I don't know how to do that right now.

Where can I find some positive support for parents of High Functioning Autistic children? I called the Illinois Society for Autism but they were mildly helpful. I would really like book or blog recommendations. I guess an encouraging word would help as well.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

11 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportI am the single mom of an energetic 3 year old who was just diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. I love him beyond measure but I am struggling with this diagnosis. I am honestly devastated and in denial. I spend most of my days being mad at God, then mad at every mom who has a child without a disability, then mad at myself for my bad decisions that led to me being a single mom and finally mad at myself for not knowing how to deal with this. He is also struggling with potty training. My son is verbal and very bright but lacks the ability to produce spontaneous conversation and doesn't fully understand what is being asked of him (slow processing). He is very emotionally engaging, affectionate, and playful. He doesn't mind being around other kids but he is not interested in playing cooperatively, sharing or communicating with them. I keep searching for help on the internet but always find what I think are discouraging stories about 7 - 10 year old children who are not yet potty training and an abundance of behavioral issues. I know that these stories are true and that I need to face that fact that my child may have many of these issues... but I don't know how to do that right now. Where can I find some positive support for parents of High Functioning Autistic children? I called the Illinois Society for Autism but they were mildly helpful. I would really like book or blog recommendations. I guess an encouraging word would help as well. Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

Indiaguerita responded:

Hey, there. Welcome to the board. It's a little slow at times, but don't be discouraged...there are usually people lurking here.

Unfortunetly, I have yet to find a good support group (locally). I live in a fairly small town in Kansas and there are not any support groups. The only support groups I have found online were not helpful in any way.

The best book I have ever read about Autism is called: Straight Talk on Autism.

I will definitely write more you later on today...but I am at work and we're monitored closely. I just didn't want you to think that your post went unnoticed.

Remember...you are not alone in your feelings. We have all been through everything you're feeling right now. The diagnosis is the hardest thing to accept (for me, anyways).

My son is five...and he was diagnosed at age three. He sounds a lot like your kiddo.

Hang in there and I'll get on here later and add more thoughts.

-Laura

Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportHey, there. Welcome to the board. It's a little slow at times, but don't be discouraged...there are usually people lurking here. Unfortunetly, I have yet to find a good support group (locally). I live in a fairly small town in Kansas and there are not any support groups. The only support groups I have found online were not helpful in any way. The best book I have ever read about Autism is called: Straight Talk on Autism. I will definitely write more you later on today...but I am at work and we're monitored closely. I just didn't want you to think that your post went unnoticed. Remember...you are not alone in your feelings. We have all been through everything you're feeling right now. The diagnosis is the hardest thing to accept (for me, anyways). My son is five...and he was diagnosed at age three. He sounds a lot like your kiddo. Hang in there and I'll get on here later and add more thoughts. -Laura

motherofrob responded:

My son struggled with the potty training. He didnt really show any interest in it until this year and yes unfortunately he will be 8 in june. We tried not to be overly fixed on this issue. Yes i really struggled with my son being in a pull up for so long. I try to look at where we have come from and not focus so much on the negative. Our struggles seem to be about impulse control and how to act appropriately when he gets upset. My son likes routine and doesnt deal well when things change. I also like you struggled with the diagnosis. I asked God why me alot. I still dont know why me other than
God has a plan for me to be able to minister to others who know my struggle. I also went thru a phase where I was jealous of those who had normally functioning children with no delays. I pray alot and God has given me some measure of peace in the journey

Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportMy son struggled with the potty training. He didnt really show any interest in it until this year and yes unfortunately he will be 8 in june. We tried not to be overly fixed on this issue. Yes i really struggled with my son being in a pull up for so long. I try to look at where we have come from and not focus so much on the negative. Our struggles seem to be about impulse control and how to act appropriately when he gets upset. My son likes routine and doesnt deal well when things change. I also like you struggled with the diagnosis. I asked God why me alot. I still dont know why me other than God has a plan for me to be able to minister to others who know my struggle. I also went thru a phase where I was jealous of those who had normally functioning children with no delays. I pray alot and God has given me some measure of peace in the journey

NorthernCardinal responded:

David "Augie" Augenstein is the parent of an adult autistic child. Here is a link to his "Journal of Natural Food and Health" http://wholefoodusa.wordpress.com. I believe you will receive good advice, guidance, and empathy from him, someone who really knows and understands what you are going through.

Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportDavid "Augie" Augenstein is the parent of an adult autistic child. Here is a link to his "Journal of Natural Food and Health" <a href="http://wholefoodusa.wordpress.com">http://wholefoodusa.wordpress.com</a>. I believe you will receive good advice, guidance, and empathy from him, someone who really knows and understands what you are going through.

studentmom30 responded:

My son sounds alot like yours and I am very concerned I don't honestly know what is harder having a diagnosis or just sitting and wondering about the endless possibilities of what is wrong with my child. He's three, not potty trained and has just in the last week started to become curious about what goes in the potty. I wish you all the best and truly wished I had some helpful advice for you and this is all I have... GOD has a plan for us all, even when we don't understand it's purpose yet, I know that whatever happens can be dealt with in a positive way, even though I myself, struggle with that. I shall keep you and your son in my prayers and wish you the best. Good Luck, and I can help encourage as I to may need it in return someday!!

Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportMy son sounds alot like yours and I am very concerned I don't honestly know what is harder having a diagnosis or just sitting and wondering about the endless possibilities of what is wrong with my child. He's three, not potty trained and has just in the last week started to become curious about what goes in the potty. I wish you all the best and truly wished I had some helpful advice for you and this is all I have... GOD has a plan for us all, even when we don't understand it's purpose yet, I know that whatever happens can be dealt with in a positive way, even though I myself, struggle with that. I shall keep you and your son in my prayers and wish you the best. Good Luck, and I can help encourage as I to may need it in return someday!!

motherofrob replied to studentmom30's response:

Thank God that in these moments of hard times that we can realize that He is with us and carries us thru.

Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportThank God that in these moments of hard times that we can realize that He is with us and carries us thru.

EJsMomma responded:

Hello. You were the 1st to respond to my discussion a long time ago so I wanted to say thank you! I apologize that it has taken so long for me to respond but i've had computer trouble for some time.

I really appreciate you comforting words and you kindness to respond so quickly. My son is doing well and I am coping pretty well too. I just wanted to acknowledge receipt of your message and to say... THANKYOU!!!

Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportHello. You were the 1st to respond to my discussion a long time ago so I wanted to say thank you! I apologize that it has taken so long for me to respond but i've had computer trouble for some time. I really appreciate you comforting words and you kindness to respond so quickly. My son is doing well and I am coping pretty well too. I just wanted to acknowledge receipt of your message and to say... THANKYOU!!!

flutterbyz3 responded:

Don't feel as though you are alone. When my youngest daughter was diagnosed with Autism, it scared me because I knew how to potty train and take care of my other two children and I had no clue how to help her. She was not able to talk, had meltdowns, and was not potty trained until she was 6 yrs. old. She is now 15, very outgoing, talks and even makes jokes. She is laid back and so completely innocent that it has often made me wonder if there were more people in this world with Autism, it would be a much better place to live. Over the years she has taught ME alot. I'm single mom also and it is a struggle to keep up with everything and there are no support groups where I live. At one time there were people in my own family that didn't want me nor my children to come to family dinners because my daughter did not like to be around large and loud groups of people and would cry so needless to say, she outgrew alot of the problems that she struggled with in her earlier years and now my family invites us but we graciously decline. The biggest mistake I made with my daughter was that I completely underestimated her and just how far she would come. She has proven me wrong as well as her doctors. Don't be discouraged, you may end up being so completely overwhelmed with just how far your child will go, learn and make kids with no "disabilites" look like they do have a disability after all lol. Many wishes and prayers for your child and you as well. Hang in there:)

Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportDon't feel as though you are alone. When my youngest daughter was diagnosed with Autism, it scared me because I knew how to potty train and take care of my other two children and I had no clue how to help her. She was not able to talk, had meltdowns, and was not potty trained until she was 6 yrs. old. She is now 15, very outgoing, talks and even makes jokes. She is laid back and so completely innocent that it has often made me wonder if there were more people in this world with Autism, it would be a much better place to live. Over the years she has taught ME alot. I'm single mom also and it is a struggle to keep up with everything and there are no support groups where I live. At one time there were people in my own family that didn't want me nor my children to come to family dinners because my daughter did not like to be around large and loud groups of people and would cry so needless to say, she outgrew alot of the problems that she struggled with in her earlier years and now my family invites us but we graciously decline. The biggest mistake I made with my daughter was that I completely underestimated her and just how far she would come. She has proven me wrong as well as her doctors. Don't be discouraged, you may end up being so completely overwhelmed with just how far your child will go, learn and make kids with no "disabilites" look like they do have a disability after all lol. Many wishes and prayers for your child and you as well. Hang in there:)

ChasesMommy08 replied to flutterbyz3's response:

Dear flutterbyz3:

Thank you so much for the above response. I was also interested in the original message you were replying to, but your comments were really what I needed to hear today. After an unusually rough night with my nearly 3 year old autistic son, I have times of hopelessness and fear about his future. My husband and I regularly get angry at our situation with him; how beautiful he is and yet he (and we) are burdened with autism. It is so nice to hear that there is HOPE for his future and that improvement is possible if we are patient and proactive. Thanks again.

Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportDear flutterbyz3: Thank you so much for the above response. I was also interested in the original message you were replying to, but your comments were really what I needed to hear today. After an unusually rough night with my nearly 3 year old autistic son, I have times of hopelessness and fear about his future. My husband and I regularly get angry at our situation with him; how beautiful he is and yet he (and we) are burdened with autism. It is so nice to hear that there is HOPE for his future and that improvement is possible if we are patient and proactive. Thanks again.

motherofrob replied to ChasesMommy08's response:

We all have good days and bad days. When the good days occur I feel very positive and on the bad days I cry, but I try to remember how far we have come. Sometimes it gets so exhausting too. I struggled so much when the kids started back up to school. I miss knowing what is going on and not having any control. Does your son have trouble sleeping or have nightmares. I have found that melatonin has helped my son to be able to fall asleep quickly and we are working on him going to sleep alone.

Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportWe all have good days and bad days. When the good days occur I feel very positive and on the bad days I cry, but I try to remember how far we have come. Sometimes it gets so exhausting too. I struggled so much when the kids started back up to school. I miss knowing what is going on and not having any control. Does your son have trouble sleeping or have nightmares. I have found that melatonin has helped my son to be able to fall asleep quickly and we are working on him going to sleep alone.

studentmom30 replied to motherofrob's response:

Well it's been 5 months since the first words of my son being autistic were mentioned, and we have finally been tested and without an official diagnosis the psychologist said that he does have autism, based on the scoring system of the test, said he's between mild and moderatlely autistic. But, unfortunatley this news was shocking, however it took a week for the shock to hit, and I had a complete meltdown on friday. Not only does he have autism, but also leg lenghth discrepency, tubes 3 times, and skin rashes, so we are stressed pretty much all the time. I have faith but am still scared, as every mother is of what his future will hold for him. I am greatly appreciative for forums such as this, because some of my family doesn't understand and says things about him misbehaving, and I don't know what to say. I am excited to learn how to interact in a positive manner that is beneficial for him.

Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportWell it's been 5 months since the first words of my son being autistic were mentioned, and we have finally been tested and without an official diagnosis the psychologist said that he does have autism, based on the scoring system of the test, said he's between mild and moderatlely autistic. But, unfortunatley this news was shocking, however it took a week for the shock to hit, and I had a complete meltdown on friday. Not only does he have autism, but also leg lenghth discrepency, tubes 3 times, and skin rashes, so we are stressed pretty much all the time. I have faith but am still scared, as every mother is of what his future will hold for him. I am greatly appreciative for forums such as this, because some of my family doesn't understand and says things about him misbehaving, and I don't know what to say. I am excited to learn how to interact in a positive manner that is beneficial for him.

SenchoNeko replied to studentmom30's response:

Having read your post I wanted to share a video with you - it is a heart warmig video about a boy that was treated for Autism using the Son-Rise programme and has since recovered.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sV40Fex-z5Y

If you are unaware of Son-Rise you may like to look into it - it's all about engaging with your child in a loving and accepting manner and joining them in their world. The programme was developed by The Autism Treatment Centre of America in Sheffield, MA.

Report This| Share this:Newly Diagnosed 3 year old - Mommy needs supportHaving read your post I wanted to share a video with you - it is a heart warmig video about a boy that was treated for Autism using the Son-Rise programme and has since recovered. <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sV40Fex-z5Y">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sV40Fex-z5Y</a> If you are unaware of Son-Rise you may like to look into it - it's all about engaging with your child in a loving and accepting manner and joining them in their world. The programme was developed by The Autism Treatment Centre of America in Sheffield, MA.

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