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I'm at a loss....
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reniekins67 posted:
I've been married to my husband for 8 years now. He disclosed to me that he has Asperger's syndrome. I got a book on this to help me understand this. He is an attorney and is highly intelligent. Over the course of our first 2 years, we had hurdles to over come. One was he had a friend with the more severe case of Asperger's. This was awful. During this, he told his dad about our hurdles. Tho his dad doesn't know, even to this day about the disorder. I would say that ever since this, in 2007, his dad has 'verbally' abused me. Has made sexist remarks, has criticized my weight, you name it, he's said or done it. In 2011, my father passed away. His dad told us not to go because we couldn't afford it. We live in Florida & we were going to drive to Delaware for the services. We did it anyhow. His dad had my husband with his wife when they were in their mid 40's. Long story short, husband doesn't protect me against his dad. I am a very independent woman & I know most men with this disorder like this. I am at my wits end. I can relate to all of the comments & posts on this website and I am headed towards leaving my husband. I am NOT happy anymore. And I have sought counsel, advice and any input from anyone who has it. I've listened to everything and have weighed it all. But, when I saw some of the posts that read "get out now" I am so there!!! I don't want to travel down this road anymore and it's not my responsibility to make sure MY HUSBAND is happy. That's NOT MY JOB....or is it???? ANY input from anyone will be most welcomed. However, I'm not here to be criticized or judged or put down for my choices. Just looking for more points of view before the big "D" implemented.
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francess84 responded:
It sounds to me like your biggest issue is his father and his lack of defending you. Is that right? I can only suggest that you tell him that you are thinking of leaving him if he either doesn't start defending you or cut off his dad?
But I suspect there must be more to it?
As for keeping your husband happy...it's a tough ask for people with asd to stay happy. I speak as an asd person myself. The world is confusing and we are too often misunderstood which makes us feel like crap.
Remember that his dad could be on the spectrum too and doesn't realize what he is doing. It does run in families.

Good luck and Iwish you happier times
 
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danielleisdone responded:
Hi! I've been married 21 years and am just finding out! Interestingly, my husband did not defend me against his brother who tricked us into signing a cabin mortgage as co-signers and then verbally abused me when I questioned it! That was when I knew for sure it was OVER! That was actually 5 years ago and I was in the middle of grad school. I'm done now and in an uncoupling group that is wonderful. I've seen a lawyer; everything is in place and 1 step away from the paperwork. I am extremely unhappy with him. I've stopped filling in the blanks and doing all the emotional work for both of us (what a relief) and he is holding the bag.
 
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reniekins67 replied to francess84's response:
Yes, you are correct. His dad is the primary issue. I have already told hub that I would leave if things don't change. And that's been over the course of these past 2 years. I have done that once already. But, came back. And instead of being shocked or dumb founded to learn I left; because I confronted HIS dad on an issue that sent me over the edge BEFORE I left; he got angry at ME for defending myself or my take on the situation to his dad. WTH?? Yes, there is much more.....it is complicated. And I have cut his dad off to a large degree. BUT, for ME to have peace.....I have let the anger go, the hurt go and I am moving forward with my life. One day at a time and I am just getting back home from seeing an attorney. I have a goal in mind, and I am going to do what is BEST FOR ME!!!! Thank You francess84 for your input. I do appreciate it very much.
 
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reniekins67 replied to danielleisdone's response:
Thank You!! Finally!! Someone who sees what I'm going thru. I am not insane!! LOL Tho, I say 'lol', it really isn't funny at the end of the day. Hub has defended his dad to me for years on end. "oh, I misread his intentions' or 'oh, he didn't mean it that way' or 'you're over reacting'. UMMM Hello?!?! I'm not the one who has trouble reading body language dude or peoples motives. I don't have to sit back for an hour to ponder on whether or not someone meant harm to me or not? verbally or otherwise. (and HIS dad made ME sign a contract for a loan. However, I insisted that he make his dad add him too it.) So, I am moving forward at MY pace. I've just today, consulted with an atty.....and one day at a time. I'm in college to get my Cosmo License....once license is in hand, filing papers is the next stop. Not gonna be unkind or cruel; but this girl ain't taken no more! and tho his dad may pass away tomorrow, the damage has been done and MY decision has been made. Period!!!! It'll take an act of GOD to move me now. Thank YOU so much danielleisdone. Appreciate your input.....


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