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dedub13 posted:
am 45 and just found out that i have aspergers' 5 months ago. not only that i found out that my 7 1/2 yr old daughter is aspergers'. there's a lot of hopeless talk going on here. it's very scary, especially since i feel so hopeless right now. i fear for myself and my daughters' future, there's so much i don't know and don't understand. i'm hoping with therapy and meds my depression will lessen. i've never been in a very long relationship but i think that's more personallity then autism. i'm remarried and we've been together for 7 yrs. we both have issues, his were more overbearing aa cultural, he's changed the way he interacts with me and treats me and we are becoming close again. mine will always be with me, i will always be autistic. at 1st he didn't want to talk about and i had to find out everyrthing i could about aspergers' on my own. but now we talk and he tries. he finally understands when i say i am over whelmed and i need to be alone that i truely need to be alone. my meltdowns are much less severe and i am getting a handle on when i am headed towards a meltdown. no doubt i'm always going to struggle for he res of my life. i have no idea what will be for my daughter. i found that my anger comes from being ignored, not listened, not heard. my husband tries to reassure me aa listen to what i am saying... he says he understands..... he sees when i am trying to express myslf and can't because i can't get how i am feeling across....because i don't have the words sometimes. when i get really angry and overwhelmed he takes the kids and lets me go to our room to calm down. i feel guilty all the time and i wish some times that i wasn't like this. but what is like this? i dion't feel sorry for myslef that i am autisic, i just wish life wasn't so very, very hard.... maybe in time with help it will become enjoyable. many others tell me to go to therapy and work at constructive ways to express my anger. i'll try it and i hope so much that therapy will help because i really don't want tt have to do the meds. i don't know where i'll end up or if i'll always be sad, but if i made this far in life without help, maybe with help i'll begin to see any joy in being here.
birdyg1rl responded:
I have high functioning autism and throughout life have been
asked repeatedly "what's wrong with you" or "wake up",
mostly by family(parents), friends etc. Being so "smart" they
wondered why I wasn't "normal" in behavior. I play the viola,
drums, bells etc. but couldn't play in the orchestra or marching
band cause of extreme anxiety. Symptoms were high
growing up then a hurricane of deep,deep depression entered
thrashing my mentality to a liquid. Now more people say
"what's wrong with you". It's darkness, anger and evil
thought's brings a self hatred inferno to destroy your heart.
I thank God that a friend took me in to a psychiatrist, I didn't
want any meds either(my parents don't believe in
psychiatrists or meds),but when I got stable and could see
clearly it felt so good. I get scared now if I don't have the
meds knowing what will happen. Sept. of 2010 my three
young kids were put into God's hands to care for. I had a
mild heart attack and it took a long time to come out of that.
Every since that traumatic day my autistic symptoms have
roared out more than I remembered as a child. I have lost
friends, family and some self respect due to all this, sometimes I believe it's always my fault, but realize it's not.
My emotions are messed up, I laugh when someone gets
hurt then have no expression when something funny is said,
I don't even have the light feeling that comes along with funny
things, feeling boxed in makes me depressed cause I want
to feel it but have no power over it. The color red makes it
hard to breathe, if I'm overwhelmed I hide under a table,
bed, a clothes rack or whatever is nearby and scream my
self to sleep. There's times I can't get
a word from my mind to my mouth and people will talk over
me and I'm not done talking. When they don't understand
what I'm saying it brings frustration cause I don't know
how to say it different and I don't understand why they can't
understand what I said. My words are very blunt at times of
being challenged then I lose friends but why? They asked
me questions and I answered truthfully, they don't like it.
I even told them the things that are changing
in me yet it's not taken to heart. I say all this to let you know
you are NOT alone! I know how you feel. I can't recall how I
dealt with all this as a child, I'm at a total loss and don't know
how to recognize each circumstance and deal with it. "If it's
out of sight then it's out of mind" is what the general public
goes by but if we are so abnormal than why are we not
afraid to speak the truth, am asked how to do things when
they don't know the answer (which is often). I'm always
asked "how do you know so much"? Who's the abnormal
one? Yet we don't go around saying "What's wrong with
you"? "There is none so blind than those who will not see".
IGNORANCE is the problem, people are not educated about
all this, and those that are, I believe to be the first ones to
help in a situation or walk by without staring the whole time.
For years I have been asking for more help for ADULTS with
all this but it hasn't happened yet. We didn't want any of this
to happen to us, but we have to have HOPE and FAITH
every day to get through. You are Tremendously Blessed
to have a spouse that is willing and wanting to help you. Try
to be patient (not easy to do) with him, he's new at this too
and doesn't know all the symptoms or how to help you yet.
But he IS trying. I hope that something in what I have said
will bring you comfort in knowing that you are NOT alone!

and I'm asked "how do you know so much"?
to spea

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