Thanks to everyone who has shared their experience. I found your comments extremely helpful. My adult boyfriend was recently diagnosed with Aspergers which suddenly explains everything.
While he seemed sweet when we first met - very engaging actually - a different side began to emerge over several months. Although he's high functioning, professionally successful and very well educated, something never seemed quite right.
These "quirks" emerged over time - entrenched stinginess, a lack of appreciation for what others do for him, an inability to organize his household, lack of interest in anything social and an almost total lack of interest in me beyond daily concerns. That's what really got my attention - he had no curiosity about me and my life - zilch.
It was very difficult to reconcile his outwardly sweet demeanor with his lack of interest in me and other people. Once the scales fell from my eyes, it became clear that his needs would always be paramount: working on the computer, having meals cooked for him, having someone to talk to about his daily problems, and sex.
When I started to pull away he wasted no time in finding someone else to meet his needs. Very matter of fact, like a project. He's an engineer. It saddens me that other women will likely go through this process with him.
As others have commented, those with Aspergers are much like narcissists. I agree. While it is a real disability, the sad fact for partners is that they are emotional black holes. You will never get your needs met. If you're okay with that, stay. If not, leave and reclaim your life.
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