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    Is there a way to end this pain other than suicide.
    Ms_Pain posted:
    I am desperate It has been a year since my surgery from C4 throu S2. I have Two Rods on each side of my spine to keep it straight.
    I digress. An accident in June of 2005. A full size pick-up's driver side Front tire. The Truck rolled over and up my left buttock, and along my spine and left side of my back and dropped off my shoulder. First surgery great, 2nd surgery, very bad. Doctor discharged me with indication that my pain was in my head. In desperation I sought an out of town neurolgist. His first words were "Who did this to you"
    I cried for an hour in his office after I saw the x-ray. Now the third surgery to repair the prior damage. My back does not llok like a backward C.
    But, I had a nurse, in ICU She must have took her class from hades in patient comfort and care, When I woke up. I was blithering idiot. and I am sorry I had no control over what I said. But, She got my attention when she told me she hated me. and proceeded to have me tied to the bed and all buttons and pain meds shut down. I do not remember defecating or urinating. I laid in my waste until it was time for her shift to end. Then she bustled in smiling and talking about how much trouble I was and it was so noted. I was clean and and full meds returned and I was back in la la land. My doctor smelled the infection before he ever had me turn over. by then it was too late. the Ecoli bacteria that had leaked into the incision was breaking down material. The surgery was repeated twice more. 88 days in the hospital.. then one week home. I fell breaking a tail bone and it has been mortal agony since. I keep hoping I can find something that will relieve it enough that I could at least attend my church.
    This is my social life here. I am 58 and on SSI. Medicare refuses to pay for the pain patches. and I am on morphine, oxycodon, Gabapentin, Flexeril, And Cymbalta. But I am still in pain
    Skyaakim_laha responded:

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. Suicide is not an answer, even though I ask the question myself sometimes.

    I know you know that i do not know your pain. But I know my pain. It sucks hurting. Life sucks while hurting.

    My doctor is taking me off of 300mg of morphine a day down to zero. He wants to try pain patch, which now after reading this I am not sure about now because if Medicare does not pay for it, it will be hurting. I am not on medicare yet, waiting for hearing for social security disability.

    I do wish you the best though and hope you find the relief you are looking for. I would just continue talking to your doctor about how the pain pills are not working.

    I also found that finding different ways of explaining the pain you are having in a way they can understand also helps.

    Like I told my doctor my left leg feels numb, heavy, sore, achy. It does not feel like it is my leg. It feels as if a 500 pound man is sitting on my left leg and it throbs. Finding analogies might help him understand more?

    Good luck!!!

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