Aww, marysings, I am so sorry. I can honestly tell you that I know exactly how you feel, as do many of us on this board. The sad fact is that many times, as hard as we fight, the end result is that surgery is the only option left that may help.
Please try to remember that there are many, many, people out there who have had very successful spinal surgeries. The think is, we don't hear from them because they have no need to be on these boards.
If it would make you feel better, get a second opinion which you should anyway. I don't bother with that anymore as my surgeon has seen me through my last 3 surgeries and my trust in him is complete. That's as it should be.
If your depression is caused from your spinal problems, then perhaps you will feel better once you get it out of the way. If it is more deep seated than that, then you should talk with your family dr. and get on some kind of anti-depressant. They help so much in dealing with chronic pain. And pain is made worse by depression so its a case of chasing the tail!
I think most of us have cried the blues and I can only speak for myself when I say that this board was a saving grace for me many times in the past. I daresay I am going to need the good folks here again as I have some problems that my pm can no longer help with and he wants me to see my surgeon. Ugh. And so, on it goes.
Stay in touch, marysings and let us try to help you through this.
Carol