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I'm literally going crazy
Denise27549 posted:
I've been diagnose with bipolar 1 and schizophrenia which is called schzioaffective disorder. For awhile now I've had mania. I can't sit still and I can't think or anything. I'm very paranoid. I don't trust anyone. I feel like everyone wants to and needs to be around me because I'm it. I can't stand being around people. I go in and out of blackness. When I come back from blackness, I've done something and it's not good. I'm cutting myself constantly and voices are telling me to kill kill kill. I don't know how much longer I can go on living like this. I'm on tons of medicine but my disorder is too strong. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. I've been in the mental asylum for a very long time off and on. I don't want to go back because I may not get out this time. I don't have any beliefs anymore. People are always talking about me and following me whenever I go outside. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired of the drugs. I've been on my meds sense I was 16 and I'm 34. What is there to do? Is there an alternative. Someone help please!

Indiaguerita responded:
Welcome to the board.

If you are having thoughts of self-harm or feel you need help, the only person that can help you is you.

We can all give you words of encouragement to seek help, but ultimately the decision is in your hands.

I hope that you seek the help that you need. If your medicines are not working, it's time to see your doctor and request a change in medicine so that your mental disorders are under good control.

Just from reading your post, it sounds as if hospitalization might be the best option for you.

But again, only you can physically get off the couch (or computer) and get yourself into the treatment that you need and deserve.

Good luck.

bptwin responded:
I totally agree with advice Laura just gave you and I also think that you may need hospitalization.

Sounds like you have had it rough for a long time, but next step is up to you. Please get help.

minkysmom1 responded:
Hi Denise,

I agree with the other two gals that have posted. You need to get to a hospital and if you are cutting you need to call 911.Cutting can only go bad,very fast.
You don't need to be afraid that if you go to the hospital you may not get out.Think of it in terms of getting the help you need. They will find out what is happining. It may be one of your meds interacting right now at this stage of the illness.
Just try to think of that. It may be one or two meds that need tweaking. That's it.Something like that and you will feel so much better. If you have been on the same meds since you were 16? Now you are 34.Alterations need to be made with meds and this illness. And as Laura said,only you can get that done.
Get the help you need so you can start living your life.

We're here,so let us know how you are,ok?


minkysmom1 replied to minkysmom1's response:
minkysmom1 responded:
Hi Denise,

How are you feeling today? Could you check in and let us all know? You really frightened me yesterday,and I'd like to here from you.


Denise27549 replied to minkysmom1's response:
Hey Minky,

Sorry to scare you with my post. I'm going through a severe case of mania and I'm relapsing with my schizophrenia. I see the dr. after the holidays. I can not wait because I don't know what to do. I can't sleep. I have to constantly be doing something. I exercise a lot multiple times a day. I'm talking to people my husband says don't exist but I know they do. He just can't see what I see. Obviously, from his stand point something must be dead wrong. He was really upset because I've been cutting myself deeply. The voices tell me to do it. They that my inner voice. It's actual voices. I'm a college student in my 3rd year so you can just imagine how bad this is hurting me. Thanks so much for looking out. I really appreciate it. By the way HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Bipolar 1/Schizophrenia
Denise27549 replied to minkysmom1's response:

Thanks for being there. It really means a lot to me. I will get help. I know my dr. is going to commit me. I'm a little scared because I've been committed about 6 times already. Every time they keep me a little longer and a little longer. I will get help though. My husband is scared to death but he's doing everything in his power right now. If things don't improve, which I doubt, he's going to commit me this weekend. At least he somewhat understands the seriousness of the situation.

Bipolar 1/Schizophrenia
minkysmom1 replied to Denise27549's response:
Hi Denise ,

Happy New year to you and your Husband.

I'm really glad you posted back with an update. Please don't think that being in the hospital 6 times is something to be ashamed of. Look at it more from the perspective that you are taking control of your life and getting the assistance you need to have a good life.
I understand your Husband being scared ,it's all out of Love,remember that.My Husband has been down this road with me too. He gets scared. He Loves me. He want's me to be alright. It's good your Husband is understanding the seriousness of this. You are so young,just think how lovely your lives will be together once you get sorted out with the right meds.

Peace and Loves,

ridiculous123 responded:
Hi denise. I'm 23 and suffering similar symptoms although I think I may have a form of early onset dementia as well as a bi-polar disorder. I got lost walking to a friends house I have walked too 100 times for about and hour n a half the other month, I walked 2 and a half miles home with bleeding ankles and didn't notice, when I look at stuff for too long the world starts to melt away, i leave my stuff EVERYWHERE, I hear voices and when I rage if you gave me a gun I could do in anybody and I honestly mean ANYBODY. I have 7 suicide attempts (apparently I suck at it/people found me in time 3 times) but I don't have gun rights or the motivation to hop off a bridge so it's almost pointless apparently I can eat 70 some odd vicaden and live right? I'm there with you but I'm telling you to save what little you have left. I don't have the energy or brain power anymore to barely dress myself and/or walk out of the house anymore... Or even eat at times (weeks i should say). I'm dying and I know it, at 23... I have used since I was young and have been on 3 different meds and NOTHING gets rid of it... I cry relentlessly because the one woman I HAVE EVER LOVED LOVE is watching me revert back into a brainless lump just like when I was born. I want to dye before I get to far gone but apparently it's illegal to try to die even when your dying inside anyway. Your not alone, but I don't wanna lie to you and tell you, ya every fool gets better... Some of us don't...

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