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    I haven't been here in a long time
    Angelcerv21 posted:
    I don't really know what to say my thoughts are going so fast. I'm not happy, but I'm not depressed either. On Sunday I started getting really excitable and now I can't sleep, I'm eating more, I'm more easily pissed off, I'm doing more things around my apartment because I'm nervous to go outside and do something potentially stupid or illegal...I'm tired of the cops dragging me to the ER or a jail cell till I calm down, and tired of feeling so high and mighty one week and suicidal the next and though I'm not suicidal right now I was four days ago and it seems so strange that now I'm fantasizing about telekinetic powers and learning to ride a motorcycle and writing a book because I LOVE LOVE LOVE to write and it's all I do because I never go outside, I'm scared of the outside world and I think it's scared of me and tomorrow I have to see my shrink, though he's not technically a shrink he's a psychologist, I have a shrink who provides my medications but I call the doc I talk to my shrink because that's easier than typing out psychologist every time or saying therapist because therapist isn't quite right either. I like him but I'm frustrated with meds, I take them regularly and when I'm not on them I know, the whole world knows!!!! But it seems like even when I take them I still will get manic and then I will tank and want to die and it's so tempting to just give in to the urge but somehow I haven't in the last year, I've just been riding out life all by myself, managing to not lose my apartment even though I got fired from my last job but then I found this job and it's in the same field, it's caregiving!!! HAHAHAHAH that's the huge and glorious irony, I am a medical worker!!! I've been fired from like, 4 jobs in my life, I keep screwing up. I keep my bipolar a deep dark secret to the world, no one knows except my last girlfriend from over a year ago and she left because she couldn't handle me anymore, or she could but didn't see it as worth it. I better stop, I could go on and on, but I better stop.
    Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
    Hi Angelcerv and welcome back here.

    It's now a day later, how did your session with your psych go? Is anyone talking about medication adjustments with you?
    Angelcerv21 replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
    No but I see the shrink on the 8th and he manages the meds. I can talk about it then.

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