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    This Hole Keeps Getting Deeper...........triggers
    jamireles1 posted:
    Thing were going great in my new life that my wife and I chose. We've moved from a busy city to a quiet town by the beach. I make more money, I live by the beach, my family is back together...for now. But I'm Bipolar and have Panic Anxiety disorder. I'm tired of this brain and it is killing everything I've worked for to be a better person. I pray, I vent, I try. I love my wife, but I do stupid things that I know are wrong, but I still do them. Infidelity is not an option so that isn't it, she just doesn't trust me with anything. She believes I have been unfaithful and that is engraved in her head. She claims we are together for the kids and that she is not my wife anymore. My downward spiral continues.......I can't get out and don't want to lose my family...AGAIN.
    slik_kitty responded:
    so sorry things are so bad. it's really hard when someone doesn't believe you. have you tried couple's counseling?
    jamireles1 replied to slik_kitty's response:
    no not yet. the thing is Bipolar people have a bad reputation for being considered habitual liars. I really think that is an unfair statement because in mania, we really do feel we can do these things. I know that this along with times that I have actually lied get crossed in her eyes. It really isn't comparing apples to apples. Sometimes I really do think I can pick up that car, or fly to the moon. That isn't a lie, its a feeling. this really sucks because I'm manic right now with feeling depressed. (mixed bipolar)
    slik_kitty replied to jamireles1's response:
    then couples counseling might be a good idea so you can both air out your issues and get the truth out there.
    Supa_Kay replied to jamireles1's response:
    Hi and welcome!

    I can't make this too long cause I'm pretty loopy right now but I wanted to throw in my 2 cents if that's ok.

    She sounds angry right? In psychology we learn that the baseline of anger and fear is hurt, period. That's where it comes from in some way, shape, or form. So, right now you need to fix her hurt. I KNOW that is so much easier said than done and it's going to be along journey, but you sound very ready and willing anyway. Now, i don't know the types of lies you are talking about and I don't want to pry, but it sounds more like you are making promises you cannot keep, mainly because you think you will be able to keep them. This is part of our illness that therapists can give you tools to know when you are doing this to minimize it or even eliminate it all together. Perhaps it is apart that your wife does not understand yet. Lying is actually a very stigmatized and stereotypical symptom of bp, and I personally have only ever met a small handful of bpers with a lying problem, hell I have probably met more non~bpers that intentionally lie.

    Anyway, I agree with silk here... Having a m.c. involved can really help her understand what bp is, and you both can have a safe environment to clear the air. Other than that, from a woman having a very difficult time staying with the father of her children, I think it may be a lot easier than you may think right now to make her happy again. The simple things like calling and checking in on your own when you are not with her, even every half hour just to say you love her (really it eases her mind too). Hold her hand out of the blue when you guys are driving, have her lay on you lap and pet her hair every chance you get... Start over with the puppy love stuff, show her she means as much even more to you now than she did then. You sound to me like you love this woman very much, and you are not just spitting fire to get her, you truly love her... So do the sappy stuff that us girls love, as much as you possibly can.

    I truly hope you find your way through this and I'm sorry it's hard right now. Put your game face on though and be ready to play the game iron man style. I can tell you want her so fight hard. Best Wishes and Good Luck!!! Don't give up on yourself or her ok!!
    To the power higher above... Please keep your arm around my shoulder, and your hand around my mouth, Amen!

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