I have been suffering from depression and have had alot of heartache lately.I have cut almost everyone out of my life. I feel everyone is out to get me. I feel paranoid. I don't like leaving my house because I feel panicked. I stopped taking my meds because I don't trust the doctors anymore. Has anyone felt like this?? What is this??? I feel like Ive barricaded myself in my house. I don't even want to walk out to check the mail.
it sounds like withdrawing from the world and giving up. you can't get better without meds and therapy. hiding doesn't make the pain go away. it doesn't make things better. it just gives you no options for getting help when you need it.
You've got to try to stop this now before you become a prisoner of your own mind and your own home. I also suffer from agoraphobia as well as BP. It got so bad for me that I couldn't leave my own room...even my kitchen frightened me!! Please, please don't let this happen to you.
You say you don't trust your doctors or their meds. Did you trust them before this incident happened? Have you asked yourself what, honestly, made you lose confidence? Would you reach out to another doctor? Are you safe?
I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't break the cycle in my brain. I am withdrawing to save the little piece of my heart I have left. I can't handle it. My thoughts are going so fast. I only feel safe in my room with all the doors and windows locked. I feel they are coming to get me. they are waiting for me to leave my house. My therapist can't help me anymore. I am getting no results. Im tired of going no where fast. I am tired of the looks I get. Doctors just care about billing my insurance. As long as they get paid.
Yo're not going to get better w/o the right meds or combo of meds and a good therapist. If you're not getting anywhere with your current therapist, then either its a matter of you get out of it what you put into it, or, you need to find another therapist who CAN help you. All of the sympoms you explain can only be helped by a combination of medication and therapy and self care. If you're not willing to put in the hard work to accomplish that, then you won't get better.
If you are not being helped by your pdoc and tdoc, then you have to decide if it's because you're expecting them to do the work, or it's because they simply aren't the right docs for you. A therapist may be fantastic, but if you're not willing to do the work, then it doesn't matter. You have to do the work. RE meds - you have to work with your tdoc about trusting your pdoc because if you continue like that, you'll never take your meds, and you won't get better, but likely, get worse.
EIther way, you need help, and you can't do this by the ways you are doig now because it's not working, is it?
Think about it
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
I don't think all pdocs and tdocs care about is money. I've gotten a lot of help from mine. They give me my meds when I can't afford them. They've worked with me on my balances. My pdoc has always been great but it took a couple tries before I found the right tdoc. Just as it took time to find the right med combination for me. You CAN come out the other side but you have to be willing to seek help and be actively involved in your recovery. It's the only way to break the cycle.
After 2 years of hard work, hospitalizations, tdocs, pdocs, ECT, and meds, I can take my kids out school shopping with mild to moderate discomfort. I takes time to heal and professional help but, the cycle can be broken.
You didn't answer my last question...Are you safe?
I understand what you guys are saying. I can't leave my house because there is too much hurt and pain out there. I called my t and left her a messege. I don't feel safe. My mind is racing and I can't stop. I cant sleep .....I can't anymore.
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