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    not hangdling great
    avatar
    ddnos posted:
    feeling on the edge of dissociation, slipping into it off and on. don't kow why whole surgery situaiton and unsettled aspects of it has caused me such sterss. maybe its not that, maybe combo of things andmaybe cus they make such urgency of it, making me think maybe something worse than first though. but try not to go there in my head, but seems still to be there in my body. shoulder hurting bad lately, i think cus did too much work at my moms. also, therapy working on re mymom was not finished but hav to wait due to finance, and more issue not done re rebecca and abuse there, but again hav to put on hold. wish therapy not cost somuch or that i ws rich. so today gonna try for get outside at least lil bit. snow be melting cus it rain last nigh, but gonna be messy and me hav no boots. so maybe i just go back to bed go store in my dreams. on the edge
    debbie
    You can`t change what people are without destroying who they were
    --The Butterfly Effect
    Reply
     
    avatar
    DoOvers responded:
    I hate anything and everything related to hospitals too so I'm with you. I'm hoping for you that once everything is done it is not as bad as you are expecting/anticipating. I have this gut feeling it's not . You also have dealt with a lot in the last couple months. Once this is all said and done it will be a welcome break.

    Hope your spirits are on the up
    A.C.T.
     
    avatar
    ddnos replied to DoOvers's response:
    Thanks ACT - my main frustration and anxiety is not so much about the surgery itself but about no knowing 10 steps ahead. lol I always like to know what's next. I used to drive my boss crazy because I couldn't just rest with what we were doing then but had to know what was next, and then next after that. lol I needed to mentally prepare for what was coming.

    So it is with this. I'm being distracted from the surgery itself (which I suppose is a good thing) because I don't even know what step 1 is right now! I have to wait until Monday before I will know MAYBE the next step, but not the one after that. lol So I"m going nuts not knowing! I want to know what doctor is doing the surgery, what date/time it will be, where it will be, and will i still be doing the preop attp with my doc or with the new doc, and will i have follow up with the doc who does the surgean or go back to my doctor? lol See? Now seriously, how many of those steps do I NEED to know right now? Ummmm, none of them! So why can't I just chill out about it then? Because I'm weird! lol At this point, I'm so messed up in my head about those details that I could care less about the outcome of the sugery. lol

    I'm doing up and down today, but at least I'm having moments of up.

    Debbie
    You can`t change what people are without destroying who they were
    --The Butterfly Effect
     
    avatar
    margaroo replied to ddnos's response:
    {{{{{{Debbie}}}}}}}}

    Don't be so hard on yourself. Letting go is the hardest thing for me. If I had enough money I would send both of us to therapists to help us.

    Hundreds of hugs,

    Maggie
    Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
     
    avatar
    margaroo replied to margaroo's response:
    {{{{{{{{{{{{ Debbie }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    I just read your response from the Friday post. Of course I'll be right over and will bring 3 different ice creams and any gluten-free cookies I can find. Trader Joe's has some wonderful gluten-free ginger snaps that would go great with french vanilla ice cream. I'll scour your city when I get there to find some chocolate gluten-free cookies. Fudge would be nice too.

    Can you tell I am a food-aholic?

    More hugs,

    Maggie
    Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
     
    avatar
    ddnos replied to margaroo's response:
    {{{{{{{{{{{{Maggie}}}}}}}}}} I'm never too hard on myself! Sheeeeeeeesh! You must be thinking abotu someone else! lol

    If you're going to have enough money to pay for my therapist, you're going to need a lot. lol I won't say how much or you and anyone who reads this may hting I'm crazy lol Take into account that I see her for 2 hr blocks, usualy 10-noon, and she picks me up about 12-15 min from her home and drives me back there so i can take the bus home from there, which i pay her extra for. So because of all that, the charge is more than normal. But there have been far more years of her charging me only what i could pay, ie $10, so she deserves far more than i pay her now.

    ANyway, thanks for the offer...OH, if you were rich lol Darn, I knew there was a condition to that offer! So win the lotto or something, Ok? Sheeeeesh get with it, girly! lol

    Thousands of hugs
    Debbie
    Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. ~Author Unknown
     
    avatar
    ddnos replied to margaroo's response:
    Way cool! There's a place around here that has THE best gluten free chocolate peanut butter bars! I mean, they are to die for! lol They don't taste like gluten free anything, but pure heaven! I'm drewling just htinking about it!

    So I"ll be waiting for you! THe snow is melted, most of it, so we're all good there.....call just before you get here so I can be ready! Then honk 3 times too! lol

    Yummy!
    Debbie
    Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. ~Author Unknown
     
    avatar
    DoOvers replied to ddnos's response:
    Well, if you're looking ten steps ahead I see an excellent chess player in the making . Perhaps you should take it up.
    A.C.T.
     
    avatar
    ddnos replied to DoOvers's response:
    LOL DoOver - I have not enough brains for chess LOL
    Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. ~Author Unknown
     
    avatar
    bptwin responded:
    Hey Deb,

    I just read through your post. So sorry to hear about the surgery and not being able to see your therapist.

    I hope you were able to get outside -- even if it was just for a bit. I like the last part of your post where you mentioned going to store in your dreams. Oh lord, I cannot tell you how many times I have got up and went to work or to class in the early morning when I didn't want to get up

    Well, I know margaroo was bringing delectable treats, so enjoy . And best wishes for Sunday...hope you can get your mind off of all that is happening.

    Sharon
     
    avatar
    ddnos replied to bptwin's response:
    Thank you Sharon! Yes, I did manage to get out yesterday and it felt great! I've always been an advocate of getting out for a walk, even a short one, when feeling depressed, or anxiety, etc. because it really does help! I used to get angry with anyone who used to encourage me to go for a walk, "as if that was going to make me feel any better" lol Well, I stubbornly found out for myself that it really DOES help! I dn't know how many times I have had to force myself to get up to go for a walk, knowing that would help, and it ended up helping! Works better than therapy sometimes! lol

    Speaking of therapy - i am still able to see my tdoc, but I just have to wait what will be a total of 2 months before seeing her because I saw her twice this month and can't afford next month. If I absolutely HAVE to, I will find a way to go; I always do.

    RE the surgery - tomrrow is Monday and I should know more of what's going on by or before the end of the day. So I will be calling and waiting for calls. lol Hopefully I won't have to do that all day.

    Thanks again for your concern
    Debbie
    Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. ~Author Unknown


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