Hey Mommma....unless you don't want to say, why or how do you "know" that you are a fool? You may have done something foolish (which we all do) but that doesn't mean that YOU are a fool! Two different things there!
Sleep - Awesome, over 10 hours of much needed rest. My boyfriend (G) wasn't too happy that I went to sleep at 8 pm, but I needed it.
Mood - Reflective, kind of sad, cried a few times today
Plans - Woke up and had breakfast with G. Then I let him read some of my journal entries. He was very eager to read them and I felt like I trust him enough. I had been upset over the past few days and my latest entry was very emotional. After he read this entry he said nothing and reached over and gave me a HUGE, heartfelt hug! Of course I just broke out into tears and we hugged for while. It was the sweetest gesture that I've received in a long time. After a series of hugs and tears, we had a very honest, deep conversation about depression and disappointments. It was exactly what I needed. G is not perfect, but he is sincere. He was such an awesome friend today, when I really needed it.
Then G and I went for a bike ride. Another huge blessing about being with G is that he likes to be outdoors. We biked for about 1.5 hours. It was so good to get out and get some exercise. Then we watched TV and I came back to my place and had lunch. I need to do some laundry, cook some spaghetti and do all those weekend things as I watch some football.
Getting back to my relationship with G. It is such a blessing, but we are both kind of new to the area and have no close friends besides each other. We try to get out and meet people, but making friends has never been easy for either of us. He moved to the US from Poland when he was about 13 and he is a self-professed geek. I am the black girl who many tagged as "too white" and I've always had self-esteem issues and never think I am worthy. But hopefully, we can grow together.
Thanks for listening to me ramble...happy Sunday!!
Plans: Spent time w/hubby today, we went to Vietnamese restaurant and had Pho with beef, sausage and tripe. I love rice noodles. Washed car. Dog has found something dead or something in our compost pile so he is driving me nuts again in-out-in-out grrrrr. It was awesome to see a large white hawk perched in our tree. Then, we understood why we find large white feathers by our deck like there's been a struggle — the hawk is hunting our bunnies Got some reading to do tonight for bible study Tuesday.
I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship. Louisa May Alcott
Momma, I read that post, but did you read the replies? Did anyone judge you or agree with what you say about yourself? Nope! You're the only one who feels this way about you. Do you really think that none of us have done stupid, foolish, or pathetic things in our lives - things probably far worse than what you did? Of course we have! But we dealth with it and moved on. I'm sure you will eventually do that as well, but right now it's just something fresh on your mind because it happened last night; but you will talk with your tdoc and work through it. If it happens again, it still won't mean you are a fool, but a human who is just as capable as any of us to make poor choices. One poor choice does not make anyone bad, hopeless, or foolish. If that were the case, we'd all be a bunch of hopeless people, you know?
Stop telling yourself such destructive messages about yourself because it will only make you feel worse. There's NO redeeming quality to any of those messages, if there were, you wouldn't be feeling like you do.
Thanks Debbie. I see my Tdoc on Tuesday. Hopefully I will not be so overly dramatic. She knows everything about me and we are very close. I probably should have called her today, but I figured it could wait
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