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Blame, blame and more blame
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pixe5 posted:
Hi,

Has anybody here had the experience of family members trying to beat you up for past behavior? I am in so much pain right now due to certain family members being abusive towards me and then saying I deserve it since I am such a horrible person.

The past few years I have done nothing to hurt them but that makes no difference to them. They often misinterpret what I say and then land on me like a ton of bricks. My sis confronted me the other day about an e-mail I sent her which she said I "reamed" her for something. I pointed out to her that I said right in the e-mail that I didn't blame her!!! Instead of acknowledging it she decided she didn't want to talk about it and she went on to scold me about some other thing I didn't do.

I have been trying to work things out in the present but my sis has given me an ultimatum that unless I go into all the stuff that happened in the past then she doesn't want anything to do with me. She says she is "protecting" her family from me. She says that their oevereactions to me are justified because of "years and years of abuse" from me.

I would probably be willing to talk about the past if she had the right motives. But she does not want to work things out. She wants to beat me up. I have not gotten even one apology for the abuse that she has heaped on me. Years ago I asked my sis if she wanted to go into therapy with me. She said yes and then changed her mind. Probably because she didn't want to deal with her part of the problem.

I have gotten a double whammy because my brother-in-law is mad at me too. In fact I have been getting more abuse from him lately than my sis. He has lied about things that I have supposedly done to him. Recently he accused me of "picking his pocket" referring to a restaurant bill. He offered to pay!!! I asked him if he was sure and he said yes!!!

I am being called a liar, a manipulater, a worthless person. I have had it! These ingrates do not even acknowledge anything good that I have done! I gave them a car!!! It was in excellent condition and low milage. I could have sold the damn thing but I gave it to them gratis!!! But they believe that my Dad pressured me to do it because they can't believe that I could do anything nice!!!

And they don't believe that there is anything wrong with them (sarcasm).

Sorry about going on and on but this is a total disaster. My sis and brother-in-law are not talking to me. I have not done anything to them but I guess they will not be satisfied until I flog myself to death.

Any advice would be appreciated.

It has been awhile since I have been here. I hope everyone is ok.

Pixie
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fenton04 responded:
Wow pixie it has been a long time. Welcome back. You will see that this community is still filled with loving concerned members that will follow up with a lot of love and support. Good to see you.
 
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DoOvers responded:
It always seems that the people who are quick to anger have something going on with themselves. Their anger is misdirected or perhaps some of it is still old wounds. All you can do is apologize which it sounds like you have done. When my brother was explaining how some of the ammends worked in the AA/NA programs I asked him what do you do if the person doesn't want to see you and he said all you can do is throw it out there. It is up to them whether or not they want to be adults and move forward or play these childish games. This last semester I took advantage of sitting in on these free seminars and eventually getting to know this Tibetan Monk. Point in mentioning this is because their was an emphasis on ridding yourself of agitation and anger. When you start to feel angry or have those feelings of I want to get even ask yourself "What will it ultimately achieve?" At the end of the day it will only create more turmoil and for us that is no good.

Take care
A.C.T.


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