Bipolar Disorder Community

I was gonna try to wait to see my tdoc to try to save some money, but today was not doing well so i called her to set up a session only to find out that she's going on vacation and won't have available session till june 19. She always tells me when shes gonna be out of town and she thought she did but either she forgot or she told me and i forgot, either away, she will be gone. only good thing about it is that at least i will still get to save some money. if i can make it ok till june 19, then i may just wait till first week of july so dont have to take money out of june budget. but i won't do that if im the same or worse by then.

I think this is the longest ive been in and out of a funk - about a year. the entire year hasn't been bad; i've had many good days; but there has been a lingering, underlying and undefinable depression that has decided to take up residence here for a while. This time I know that "she's" here to teach me some things that I need to learn, but either she's a lousy teacher or I'm a slow learner - or maybe a bit of both.

I can barely even articulate what has been going on internally the past year or so to my tdoc, so I won't even attempt to do so here because it only leads to frustration - frustration that I don't need right now.

Speaking of not needing something right now - some physical ailments have been starting to act up that I need to see my doc for, which in turn, she will have me see my neurologist. Besides the neuropathy getting a bit worse in my feet and appearing to be traveling to my upper legs, not just feet and lower legs; but now it seems (tho of course i don't know) but seems as though im getting severe swelling in my feet,ankles, and calves not just if I sit too long, but it seems to somehow be related to an increased pain in my right hip (hav had chronic pain there for over 20 years). Also, neuropathy seems to be more pronounced when feet/ankles/legs are swollen. Sometimes its hard to know when to go to the doctor and when it's not worth it. Like are some of these aches and pains just variations of what i've already had for years and nothing can be done anyway? I can't afford to waste money on copays for nothing. THe only doc i know i need to see and wll see is Cathe, my ARNP. I need a "tune up" lol so I will see her to touch bases with her. She just had major surgery and has been gone, but now working just in the mornings 3 days a week. so maybe i call tomorrow to see her next week.

thanks for if you read this far. i could probably write more if i just let my fingers do the talking, but im tired and sore.

G'nite
Debbie