Bipolar Disorder Community

Hello Boston, One thing you could do is look ppl in the eyes when you talk to them. Some ppl who lack social skills tend to look down or away because they feel uncomfortable. Thats one small step you could do. Also when your out some where, lets say the grocery store or coffee shop, when your waiting in line make small talk to the ppl around you. You could talk about the weather, how hot it is, cold, humid. You dont have to engage in a long conversation, just a small comment about something going on around you. Continue doing those things and I think it will help. Practice makes perfect.

Good luck to you.

Hi Bostonrocks, specifically, what are you referring to when you say "social skills"? Do you mean, how do you learn what is socially appropriate and what is not in various situations? Do you mean, as Cookie referred to, how do you become a more social person - connecting with people and interacting more with people?

I'm sure there are many ways to learn both of the above things, but for me, because I grew up pretty isolated and didn't learn very many social skills (in both of above ways), I learned and continue to learn in a few ways. One, I learned from my therapist. As she got to know me better and throughout the years, she taught me either directly or indirectly social skills. I also learned by observing other people and tried to learn from their example. There was also one person in particular in my life who was like a mother to me who was at times pretty harsh with me in effort to teach me what was "appropriate" or "inappropriate" social behavior. I learned very much from her. The bottom line to all of it was that I had to go out and practice what I learned - and I mean, literally practice because it certainly didn't come natural to me. I was extremely shy back then, but in most situations today, I am very far from being shy. I interact with people that I see from day to day whether on the bus or in the store, or anywhere. I make myself available to learn new social skills. I won't say that it's easy, but I can say that it's worth it and that it does get easier as you practice.

Parents don't realize just how crippling it can be when we grow up in a home where social ediquette and social skills were not taught by word and example; but it can have a huge impact on some people on into adulthood. I'm sure it doesn't affect everyone the same, but there are some of us who have to struggle far more than they ever should have because of it.

If you'd like, I'd be interested to hear more of your story.

Debbie

What I keep running into at work is that people are manipulating me. I had a co-worker who I believed word for word. I didn't question anything she said. If she told me that the boss did something or said something, I believed it. It got to the point where I didn't trust my boss at all because I believed everything that she said. Well, she left and when she left she left me not believing anything that my boss said and really kind of working against her. I came to find out that very little of what my coworker had said was true. I now have a good relationship with my boss.

Well, the second situation that happened started after that coworker left. I was left working with coworkers 2 and 3. Well, neither of them was happy and they were both actively looking for new jobs. They were talking about throwing my boss under the bus for "everything." I talked to my husband and we decided that in order to keep me out of the situation I needed to tell my boss. So I talked to her and what ended up happening was that I had to confront coworkers 2 and 3 in my boss' office. They claimed I was lying about everything. Well, in the end my boss believed me because I had nothing to gain from telling her these things - I liked coworkers 2 and 3 and liked working with them. My boss also said that because they have more of a social skill set that they had also manipulated me in their own ways.

I need to learn how to not get manipulated. I am aware that my boss is manipulating me a little but I'm letting her do that to make sure that we continue to have a good relationship.

Here's an article called "4 steps to stop others from manipulating you" that I thougth you like a puppet on a string" may be interested in. IT's at the following link:

http://www.unwrapyourmind.com/4-steps-to-stop-others-from-manipulatingyou-like-a-puppet-on-a-string/

Debbie