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bptwin posted:
Hey Y'all,

I'm sure some of you don't know me, I haven't posted much in the past year, because it is really hard for me to post during work hours, when most of the activity happens.

Quick catch up -- same job and same boyfriend down in Florida. Things are not perfect, I still wish I had more of a complete support system down here, but I have a good friend at work and try to get out and occasionally meet people.

Let me back up a second and tell you about my professional life prior to moving to getting my current job last February. Up until then I was a very over-qualified person in jobs that were not challenging, I did this for about 13 years. This is the only work life I knew. The time that I did have a really challenging job, I had my first bipolar episodes and had to quit. Yes, it kept down the work stress, but I was bored as hell. Worse yet, I did not use my extra time and mental energy to have some awesome social life -- nope I had (overall) a worse social life than I do now.

So here I am with a challenging job and a better social life and all I can think of is how somehow I'm gonna screw it up, or that in some way, it is all going to be taken from me. As a result of these fears, I obsess about work. I obsess about every word people say, every facial expression, every negative thing. I have broken sleep. I binge eat, especially sugar. I don't exercise enough.

Thankfully I can say that this is not always the case. There are times when I am calm and I don't live in the stress. I know that obsessing like this does no good and I try to focus on things that are real. I' had health insurance for the past year, but my health insurance for pre-existing conditions just kicked in last month. I (thankfully) now have good insurance, so I'm gonna get off my a$$ and try to find a therapist.

By the way, work is going very well. I am blessed with a very patient and understanding boss who thinks very highly of me. The fear of losing my job because of my performance is so unfounded!

Thanks for listening folks! I like coming here, to vent, but also to listen. May you be blessed in the challenges you face today.

slik_kitty responded:
so nice to see you again. glad to hear that things are going well after your move. sometimes it is hard not to obsess about things, but sometimes that is what makes what we fear happen. therapy would be a really good idea to help you learn how to cope with that fear and let it be a thing of the past.
bpcookie responded:
Hello Sweetie Pie, so good to see your happy face. Im glad to hear that your still dating the same guy. You must really like him and he must really like you.

About obsessing, I do it too. Not sure if you remember that I have LSC which is quite painful, in the woman area. Finally found a med. that helps me with the pain. There are days when I will start feeling the pain again and I totally obsess over it. I worry that it will continue to be painful and that my med. wont work. So I obsess over every little bit of pain that I have. Makes you feel crazy doesnt it?

Anyways dahling, dont be a stranger. hugs
The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. ~Ivy Baker Priest

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