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An_246552 posted:
I DON'T WANT THIS! I DON'T WANT THIS'! I DON'T WANT THIS!.


I cried from the depth of my soul. More than once. I am so glad that I can talk to Him and He knows all that I am thinking and .feeling. Some friends of ours convinced my husband that I have bipolar and because his mom committed suicide and they don't want me to end up the same way. So, my husband threatened our marriage over this, if I didn't admit it, well...I have done the counselors, and psychologist route and no such thing had ever been brought up. I won't tell you what changed that except my husband was a big part of it. To save my marriage, I had to accept it. I didn't, so we pretty much are just here. Last summer I went hypomanic, it was the most wide awake than I ever remember being. I didn't want it to end for up until that time,I was hypersomnic, which means sleepy most of the day. It is this way that I am most all the time. It gets to be 'bout near unbearable.Right now, what is going on now is the opposite of what was going on then. It is so confusing. I am a nurse and it is so frustrating, for me, to be a nurse and not understand what it is all about. Yet, deal with my spouse, and family to try to educate them with what I know. I can't except it, not yet, I try. It makes it so hard for I see how my life has been, all these years and they don't see much different than now. My husband, who was so insistant that I accept this diagnosis. but does not try to understand it, but takes advantage of it. Mind games. I have been married 3 times, all to abusers, so I thought all of this was just my mind and body telling me I had reached my emotional limit. My family thinks the same way I had been and sometimes still do. They don't like the medicines, that I have been on, because of the side effects. They think I am on a boatloads of drugs but I am not. They seem to forget, the last that I knew, I have a sleep disorder and I have been this way for a long time, except of course when I had the hypomania. ( that was a blessed relief, although shortlived).

How do you all do it, accept it? The stigma. It is the stigma that has kept me from accepting this diagnosis. I don't blame my family. How can I when I am thinking the same thing. Truth is, my pride is in my way. I loved my nursing but I burned out. It is tearing me apart. I don't know anything else. My passion.I long to be different that I might be of worth, to someone, Make a difference. Not someone who gets looked at as if I have 2 heads. The sleep walking hasn't helped. It was a conversion from talking in my sleep to walking in it. I can tell you that the talking is less painful than the walking. Is this a part of the bipolar package? I am a nurse, a good one, one who prefers to be able to spend time with my patience. teach them what ever I can that when they go home, they aren't so afraid to be away from the comfort of knowing there are people who were always just a call bell away. To go home and go blank, asking each other, now how much of the medicine I am supposed to take, and when, any wound care and so much more. Now, I am still looking back to when things were more simple, when I enjoyed what I was doing.The anticipation of a good night, that the patients were tucked in their beds and they knew they were in good hands, caring hands. I long to be that again. I reckon the Lord will guide me to where He needs me the most.
I know He holds the future for I know He holds my hands.
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slik_kitty responded:
have you been diagnosed bipolar or is it just your friends and husband who say you are? they are not the professionals and are not capable of diagnosing you. have you brought it up with your pdoc?

welcome to the board.
 
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bpcookie responded:
Hello, Let me first ask this. Do you look at us like we have two heads? The only difference between us and others is that we have Bipolar, thats all. Just like someone who has asthma or diabetes. Everybody has something, nobody is completely normal. Im not really too bothered by the stigma and usually I ignore it or make jokes.

Bipolar can be treated and you can live a normal and stable life once your on the correct medication. Having Bipolar isnt the end of the world. I was diag. about 14 yrs ago. I am normal and I am stable.

As Slik said, your friends and husband are not professionals, so they cant diag. you. Next time you see your pdoc, ask him/her what they think.

Welcome to the board
The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. ~Ivy Baker Priest
 
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Chris_WebMD_Staff responded:
Welcome, I'm glad you found us. You'll find this a warm, loving community. No stigmas here at all.
It's a great place to learn about conditions and get educated on Bipolar, so you can find the best treatment that works for you.

I hope you find peace here, some of the best people on WebMD are right in this community. : ) I strive to be more like these great people here everyday.
Again, Welcome!
Chrissy~

Life is too short, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
Author Unknown
 
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Anneinside responded:
Sleep walking and talking are not part of bipolar. They are part of a sleeping disorder.

As far as accepting goes, it seems you may not recognize that bipolar is an illness or disorder, not a personal weakness. Once you have accepted that bipolar is a disorder you will be able to accept that you have it (assuming you have been diagnosed).
 
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Anneinside responded:
Oh, one last thing. None of us want this disorder.


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