I want to thank you for your support during this past week when I visiblly wasn't doing well. I'm still not doing the greatest, but I'm not dissociated like I was.

I can only imagine how when some of you see posts of the nature that I wrote, it might cause you to feel like maybe I need emergency care. I would probably feel/think the same way if I saw the "out of it" posts that I wrote.

I really do appreciate your concern and you are correct in that there's obviously something not right when you see that kind of writing; but I can assure you that it's not of the emergency level. I fully understand that the mods who see it are obligated to say something because they don't know me, yet see that there's something wrong. So I would expect that from any one of them.

My tdoc and I have talked about this topic several times both in the past and recently. The topic being that just because I may be highly dissociated and writing off the wall posts, that does not (in my case) constitute an emergency. Again, I do realize it would look like it does, espcailly to those who don't know me and/or those who don't understand dissociation.

Even my tdoc got concerned with some of my emails last week until we discussed it thoroughly. She knows that in those times, I'm not suicidal, or homicidal and that even though my mind is scattered, I'm not in any danger to myself or anyone; I"m still able to take care of myself, ie. I eat, i take my meds regularly, i try to get out as much as possible, etc. If there's one thing that my tdoc knows about me, it's that she knows that I am good at taking caer of myself. She knows that even though seh knows I detest the hospital, if I believed I ever needed to go, I'd be the first one to get mysef there.

So, I do apologize for causing any concern - I mean, the kind of concern where some of you thought I was in real danger. I know that I wasn't, but you couldn't possibly know that without knowing me and understanding dissociation. For future reference, I will try to not post when I am that dissociated so as not to cause anymore concern. I also know that some people feel uncomfortable to reply to posts like that, which makes me feel ostrosized during those moments; but I know that's not the case, but simply that it's foreign to some and you don't know how to talk with someone who is in the state of mind I was in. That's Ok and I wouldn't expect anyone to really know unless they've experienced it themselves.

As you can see, I'm currently "one" in my head, but what you don't see (because my writing is "normal") is that I'm probably just as bad off now as I was last week when it looked like an emergency. I say that to say that things really don't always/often look as they appear. Based on thsi post, I'm back to normal according to some of those who read those posts last week compared to this one today.

Debbie