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I'm lost...I want to find my happy...
bex_ray82 posted:
I've been diagnosed bipolar for about 12 years now. I am on a regular cylce of meds that Ive been using for about 5 years. Nothing has changed. But recently, I've been going through a that I initiated, because it was my last resort. But now that things on the outside appear better, I am dying on the inside. I sleep all the time, I have no motivation to move, to cook, clean, or even go outside. I won't eat, I have days that I can sleep all day and then I wont sleep for two days. But mostly Im just SAD all the time. I cry all the time. Even my own children, the people I love more than anyone in the world, can't bring me out of it. I don't know where or how to start to try to get my motivation back, my motivation to want my life, to have something that makes me happy. Everything I used to enjoy is now just work. Its overwhelming and I feel like Im in a deep hole and I don't know how to climb out. I'm ready to just sit down here and realize that this is my life. It doesn't get any better. Ill never be happy, because Ive never been happy and I don't know how to get there. I have no friends, no family, no one to talk to. Im not employed. I will go for a week straight without leaving my home. Im afraid. For myself. Ive become extremely unhealthy, Ive lost 90 lbs in 4 months. Im sick all the time. I just want it to stop. Please someone tell me how to get out of this.
mattthecat responded:
bex ray it is not hopless. It sounds like it is time to bring in the big guns the medicle proffesianals you say you are on medicine that means you have been seeing a doctor who can prescribe you medicine. Maybee it is time to set up and apointment to get your medicne regiment looked at alot of times medicine can stop working for variuos reasons and or need to be adjusted. See your doctor soon. If that is not possible you may need to go to your local emergency room. I am only guesing here but after having BP for 12 years you should know the drill when it comes time to get seriuos help. If worse comes to worse there is always 911.
I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad i hope you do find a way to get help and come out of this serious deppresion.

bex_ray82 replied to mattthecat's response:
I have tried to speak with the doctor. The continue to adjust my doage on my medication. Because I have been using the same ones for so long, they are reluctant to try something new. He describes my depression as "situational" and says it will improve as the situation does. But Im not seeing that happen. I just want my life back. I wish I knew how.
ibex7 responded:
Bex ray,
I have been through a similar experience to yours way back in 1981. Profound depression nearly ended my life and unhappy was too nice a word for my frustration.

Stay on meds and begin setting small goals that will help organize your day. Think about what is the most important activity in your life. When you decide you can be good at it, then go for it. Time will heal and confidence will return with your success. Best wishes - goat

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